[WHO GIVES A SHIT] WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?

So remember that time where we had a reader survey because we wanted your valuable demographic information to have a better understanding of the people who are reading us every day?

The results are in. 

After writing for FIPS for the better part of three years, I had a pretty good idea about the readership that we attract.

1. People who are smart, funny, and snarky.

2. Crazy idiots.

Unfortunately, we didn't include some of the questions that I wanted to include, like "Are you a crazy idiot?" and "Do you understand what the word 'satire' means?" 

Instead, we're left with some pretty interesting demographic information that was sort of surprising to me because I generally believe that most stereotypes are true.

So while the stereotype is that everyone who lives in Park Slope is old and rich and has questionable fashion sense, we're seeing here that the majority of FIPS readers are in their 20's and when it comes to money, they ain't all that rich. 

Also, kudos to the non-Park Slope people who cruise over here to read about irrelevant bullshit like the Pavilion, baby names, and the Bike Lane.  

Buy a hat and hold the fuck onto it, because in this land of breeders, we're seeing that 75% of FIPS readers are single and 61% of them don't have kids.  There's no surprise that 44% of you are douchey creative types, but DAMN, look at all of these single mingles out here! 

We can either conclude that all of the parents are too busy wiping child vomit off of their clothing to read our blog, or that there's not as many breeders around here as everyone thought. 

Other information we got was that all of you are drunks (you go out a lot), you're animal lovers (50% have pets), and 80% of you do more than half of your shopping locally in Brooklyn. 

All of this is moderately interesting, but my favorite part of the whole survey was the "additional comments" portion, where we provided a free-form answer box for all of you smart asses to go nuts and tell us what you really think. 

There you have it: a window into insanity.  

Here's where we announce the winner of the brand-new, incredibly outdated iPod touch: MATT SCHOLL. 

Matt, if you're reading this, email effedinparkslope@gmail.com to claim your prize.