What do I do if the Massaman Curry Tastes Like a Monkey's Blue Nuts
Benjamin | Tuesday, March 17, 2009 at 12:03AM 
Ok, holier-than-thou smartass know-it-alls – riddle me this:
Last night we ordered takeout from the Premier Executive Member of our ordering-in rotation: BEET FUCKING THAI, all praises due. It goes without saying that Beet is usually Park Slope's pinnacle of consistency and excellence...
Last night however, though the Pad Thai was fantastic as usual, the Massaman Curry literally tasted as if a small monkey had burnt his nuts while trying to piss in the broth. We almost threw up from the acidic smell and urinish taste - and that's coming from us; a couple that's "hella" into golden showers!
Here's my question to you:
Since we are valued customers whose phone number is more than respected by the frantic Beet receptionist, we really wanted to take the dish back. It's not like we're first timers - I really thought that we'd carry a little street cred because of our stature, thus we might be able to just walk in there and say:
Listen, love you guys, we're here all the time - ALL the time: check the log files! - but goddamn if it doesn't taste like your little monkey back there got into the soup. Or the curry, whetever the fuck this shit is supposed to be. You gotta admit it looks a little soupy tonight. Now, we're already full of course, that pad thai packs a punch, but what would you say to a little gift certificate action - or even a refund?
Instead I threw the carton in the trash without recycling. I didn't say shit to Beet because I have an INGRAINED TERROR of sending back food. I know for a FACT that staffers loooooove to throw a little wink-wink-special-sauce in anything that a customer sends back to the kitchen, so I NEVER do it, even when it already has the monkeysauce.
Do you ever send food back? Ever ever? What would you have done?
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Reader Comments (6)
Nah, I'm pussy just like you. I'm terrified of confronting the people who make my food. I worked in plenty of restaurant jobs in high school and parts of college, I've seen what happens when you beef with the help, even when you're in the right. Anyone with common sense is stuck in the same boat. We're held hostage by these food terrorists. The only thing I can offer is don't get a bad rep as a shitty tipper, give an extra buck to the delivery guy. You'd be surprised how much imput Pedro has into who's pad tai is getting some secret herbs and spices.
I usually send stuff back and complain if it's bad enough—if I ask for no sour cream on something and they put it on anyway, I don't make a fuss, but if a steak is cooked wrong—you better believe that bitch is going back.
Yeah but amanda is a rude bitch that tips 10% when things don't go her way.
Send it back, expect the sack
My wife and I used to order from Beet all the time too. Their first year they were definitely the best hands-down. But I think they started to slip big time. May they were getting to busy, or they were resting on their first year rep. Food was getting way too greasy, pad thai was sickly sweet, and they weren't cleaning their woks so we were getting burnt ends of other food in our dishes (burned ends-great for BBQ, not so much for Thai). Beet ain't what it used to be that's for sure.
Beet has definitely gotten greasier. I prefer Thai in the sky on 5th.
I definitely agree that you never send ANYTHING back. Period.
Dude what the fuck is wrong with that monkeys testicles?