Whassup: Val-End-Times Edition

via bajiroo.com

Whoo-hoo! Don't you guys just LOVE Valentine's Day? You know, how there's absolutely nothing about it that could possibly be not amazing to everyone!? It's so great!! Sorry…my settings were accidentally flipped to stupid there for a second. (I am, if you weren't aware, a blog-bot, usually programmed with Brooklyn faux-cynicism. Occasionally, cheaply made models revert to factory settings, however.) In any event, Valentine's Day! It sucks, blah blah, everyone's lonely, yada yada, hearts don't actually look like that, do-dee-do-dee-do, etc., etc., and so on. Welcome to Whassup: Val-End-Times Edition:

* Thursday, Feb. 13: Cringe, Freddy's: Nothing hurts quite like young love. And nothing's quite so hilarious in retrospect. That makes Cringe, Freddy's long-running showcase of readings from teenage diaries, poems, and other horrifying documents, absolutely perfect for your pre-Valentine's Day night. It'll make being single on V-Day seem all the more reasonable. 7:30pm, FREE.

* Thursday, Feb. 13: SSC Physics Symphony, Symphony Space: The Slope's own massively popular science show goes to Manhattan to get all fancy and symphonic, which I guess is what you do in Manhattan. The Secret Science Club, regular denizen of Bell House, will team physicist Robert Davies with the Fry Street Quartet, merging a scientific presentation on the state of the planet with musical accompaniment. It's, like, a whole ton of smart stuff. You'll have so much brains, they will shoot out of your butt. 7:30pm, $20.

* Friday, Feb. 14: Neutral Milk Tickets, ON SALE: Last week, Celebrate Brooklyn announced a benefit show for the summer starring the amazingly returned Neutral Milk Hotel. It sold out pretty much immediately, because -- hey, I guess some people in Brooklyn like indie rock. So, there will now be a second show, on July 23. Tickets go on sale today at NOON. $39.50.

* Friday, Feb. 14: Pop-Up Flower Shop, Babeland: It's a pain to try to do your love and your sex separately -- just ask the dudes sneaking around with mistresses. Who has the mental bandwidth to remember all those lies? Similarly, it's a waste of your precious, over-scheduled New Yorker's time to buy explicit and romantic gifts separately. So, multitask with Babeland's pop-up flower shup, presented by Stems. Come in and buy your Valentine two pink things, one of which vibrates powerfully. 4pm, FREE. 

* Friday, Feb. 14: Missed Connections, NY Transit Museum (Downtown Brooklyn): Cleverly labeling it "Missed Connections," the NY Transit Museum is hosting a V-Day party. There will be vintage trains, music, Valentine's crafts, love poetry, and other things that should by all rights make you want to barf. Unless you're in love. Then, fuck you. But, whatever. Go, enjoy. 6:30pm-8:30pm, $10-$15.

* Friday, Feb. 14: Power Ballads Sing-Along, Union Hall: Or, then there's this: just go belt out "Love Hurts" (and other classics of overwrought emotion and guitar licks) with a basement full of drunk strangers. Videos from a slew of '80s and '90s hits will grace the screen while everyone sings along. 10pm, $8.

* Saturday, Feb. 15-Friday, Feb. 21: Book Sale Donations, PS UMC: Park Slope United Methodist Church's massive used book sale is coming soon (Feb. 20-23), and it will be fantastic. First, though, you have the chance to offload your old dead trees to aid in the cause, and give strangers an opportunity to read your insightful marginalia on the first 12 pages of "Middlemarch." Donations accepted at the church Feb. 15-21, various times.

* Wednesday, Feb. 19: Literary Death Match, Littlefield: What does literature need, you ask? More cutthroat competition and judgement? Obviously! That's what LDM brings: authors read segments from their works, then the judges gently dismantle their fragile artists' egos. The blood may be metaphorical, but it will be on the floor. 8pm, $10-$12.