Whassup: Super Sports (Not Really) Edition

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Here it is, all you Park Slope graphic designers and aspiring slam poets: your chance to act like you care about sports for a few hours. Or, at least, to eat greasy snacks and enjoy some mildly entertaining, horrifyingly expensive commercials. It's Super Bowl week, and NY has got a horse in the race. I won't tell you which one (you'll have to use Google for that), but let's just say the quarterback looks seriously Aspergery and his last name rhymes with Panning. Anyhoo -- lest you forget amidst all the athleticism, there's also a bunch to do in this 'hood that doesn't involve large men grunting (depending on your date). Welcome to Whassup: Super Sports (Not Really) Edition:

* Thursday, Feb. 2: Obama Talk, Beth Elohim: Jodi Kantor, author of the upcoming tome on the First Couple, "The Obamas," talks about the coolest presidential pair with the Park Sloper all of us wannabe writer Park Slopers love to hate: Jonathan Safran-Foer. I hope he asks her why she didn't mess with the font size more in her book because that's what really makes great literature. 7:30pm, FREE (but RSVP requested).

* Saturday, Feb. 4: Grease Sing-Along, Bell House: Be honest. Do you not, at least secretly, want to sing along to Grease with a room full of friends and strangers? Ok, that was my foolproof test to check if someone is human. All of you aliens are totally busted. Humans, go sing. 8pm, $10.

* Sunday, Feb. 5: Gigantic Balls, NY: Practice your game face -- bleary-eyed drunk and bloated from chicken wings -- it's football time! Bell House has the game on their big screen over the stage and Eugene Mirman's hosting a football edition of Union Hall's Pretty Good Friends comedy series "with snacks instead of jokes." Plus, there's Slope sports bar staples Loki, Dram Shop, or Black Horse. If you're headed out, though,I suggest a bar with one or two smaller TVs that's not known as a sports bar. Like, Bar Reis or South. But, who knows, with Eli and co. in the big game, maybe everywhere with a TV will be nutsoid. So, the couch might be the best venue. Bark and Sixpoint can handle the food side of things with their Tailgate Catering Menu $75 per person, with pre-game snacks, kick off bites, a halftime buffet, and a second half "Endless Nosh."

* Monday, Feb.6-Tuesday, Feb. 7: Story Nights, Union Hall: If it wasn't already clear that Park Slope is now NY's epicenter for storytelling events, Union Hall's got two nights in a row of tales this week: Two Truths and a Lie's memoir/fiction hybrid (7:30pm, FREE) followed by And I am Not Lying's variety show of comedy, burlesque, and tales (8pm, $10). The latter just announced their monthly residency at Union Hall -- congrats to Jeff, Brad and Cyndi! Come get your listen on.

* Monday, Feb 6: Somethingatsouthpaw, Southpaw: As promised, I'm pimping something at Southpaw every week until the place shutters on the 20th. For a while now Southpaw has been the Slope's home to that grandaddy of NYC StorySlam events -- the Moth. Take THAT other Park Slope venues that aren't closing! Come check out what should be the last Moth incarnation at the site. Where will it go next? Probably the Bell House, right? Yeah, probably the Bell House. 7:30pm Doors, $8.

* Tuesday, Feb. 7: Comedy Variety, Tea Lounge: The humor troupe "Car Truck Boat Train," composed of ACTUAL TALKING VEHICLES (probably not) host a comedy variety night of sketch, improv, and other things that induce laughter and/or applause. 8:30pm, FREE.