Whassup: Pre-V-Day Edition

via ushumor.com

Well, folks, you've got just under a week to get your special someone that perfect Valentine. So, make sure you start taste-testing the high-end flavored condoms PRONTO. Of course, in the minefield that is the NYC dating scene, chances are you'll be single for V-Day and couldn't give two fucks about boxes of chocolate or roses. Or, at least, this is what we'll tell ourselves. But until that day when you're forced to scrounge for a date or do that whole single-and-defiant thing, let's enjoy ourselves sans Cupid. Welcome to Whassup: Pre-V-Day Edition: 

* ONSALE Friday, Feb. 7: Neutral Milk Hotel, BRIC: Announced this week, indie rock's J.D. Salinger and crew will be playing at the bandshell for BRIC's summer Celebrate Brooklyn shows. Jeff Mangum et al. hit the stage July 22, and tix go on sale TODAY at NOON. If you don't know, the benefit shows help make the other Celebrate Brooklyn stuff free (aside from the $3 donation you're guilted into giving.) $39.50.

* Friday, Feb. 7-Tuesday, Feb. 18: Vengeance Is Hers, BAM: If the pink hearts, red roses and boxes of sugar of Valentine's Day make you sick to your stomach with love diabetes, BAM has some actual nutrition for you. This film series portrays women taking revenge, taking control, and just straight taking over. From the classic Greek vengeance of "Medea" on Feb. 7 to the blood-soaked comeuppance the titular "Carrie" enacts on Feb. 15, this is your chance to see women at their frightening best. So, dudes, go with your feminist girlfriend for a V-Day treat. She may come away with even more hatred for the patriarchy, but she'll probably respect you more for skipping the lame box of chocolates. Various times, prices. 

* Saturday, Feb. 8: Dig Deeper: Jimmy Ellis, Littlefield: Those vinyl scrounging, classic R&B lovers from Dig Deeper bring another old-school band leader to Brooklyn. This time, it's Jimmy "Preacher" Ellis, a southern Soul singer making his first appearance in NY. He's known for '60s-era dancehall songs, and will perform with Dig Deeper's house band, the Brooklyn Rhythm Band. As always, Dig Deeper is a great chance to see Park Slope dads in sweaters dancing badly. 9pm, $15-$20.

* Saturday, Feb. 8: Small Press Fest, Silent Barn (Bushwick): Paper! It still exists! People still like to print words and images on it! Other people enjoy looking at said objects! It's fantastic. Also still (or, again) a thing, are zines, those punky DIY publications that pre-dated blogs. Also, still a thing, apparently: mini-comics and small press offerings. These paper-o-philes come together for "Paper Jam," a new semi-annual fest at Silent Barn. The night features presentations from various presses, musical rockenings, and the dangerous feeling that anyone and everyone can be an artist. 1pm-8pm, FREE.

* Sunday, Feb. 9: Gluten-Free EatUP, Freddy's: Well, at least they're aware of how hipsterrific this sounds. We got an email about this event with the subject line "Stop rolling your eyes." I'll have you know that I haven't stopped rolling my eyes. In. 33. Years. That aside, I appreciate the self-awareness, and likely would not have listed this otherwise. In any event, you can indulge your celiac stomach or foodie-trend mouth with gluten-free beer, sweets and other eatables. 1pm-6pm, FREE.

* Sunday, Feb. 9: Meatball Takedown, Bell House: Or, hey, you know a thing that's good at not having gluten in it? How about just big fucking hunks of meat?! Matt Timms returns with another Takedown, this one featuring meatballs. A set of amateur cooks will prepare balls for you to put in your mouth, and you will vote on whose balls you most liked having in your mouth. All while drinking beer and rapidly entering a mid-afternoon food coma. It's all very delightful. 2pm-4pm, $15. 

* Wednesday, Feb. 12: Muppet Valentine's Vault, Union Hall: Prepare for Valentine's Day in the best way possible: by watching a collection of soft-core pig-on-frog porn, aka, the best romantic Muppets clips. 8pm, $8.

* ONSALE NOW: Brokelyn's Beer Book: Need to get, like, hella drunk before V-Day? Here, this will help. You can still get Brokelyn's Beer Book, a set of coupons for (more than) 30 beers from 30 Brooklyn bars -- all for just $30. I'm a little too drunk to do the math right now, but that's like…not very much per beer!!