Because We Care: Happy Campers/Hot Child in the City

So because this is NYC 2014 and not YourHomeTown, circa 1977, you Breeders better get your summer camp plans locked up asap or this year “camp” will be you dropping your kids off in Prospect Park with a compass, a divining rod, and a package of astronaut ice cream.

Yes, parents, while we risk breaking our necks as we descend our own stoops, plunge into mountains of slush under-laid with luge-worthy sheets of ice every time we cross a street, and blanket our sidewalks with potato chips (I just made that up; I don’t think it’s a thing) due to an apparent salt shortage, let’s think about July and what the hell your kids will be doing while state-funded babysittingschool is out of session for 60+ days.

Don’t fret too much, yet (tho time is a-wasting; see above NYC 2014); our blessed, beloved, envied, and mocked local Seat-of-all-that-is-good-and-holy in the US Public School system, PS 321, is coming to the rescue with this weekend’s Summer Camp Expo! Who doesn’t love a good Expo! You’ll find lots of little skirted tables, with friendly camp directors and brochures of varying quality, pitching summer “solutions,” let’s call them, for every type of kid-stereotype: the nerd (rocket-building, chess), the jock (basketball skills clinics, kick-boxing), the artsy-craftsy (weaving, knitting), the fashionista (clothes-designing and modeling), the nerd-jock (ping-pong), the performers (cello, acting), and whew! I could go on, but just check out the Facebook page; I’m overwhelming my own self.  

And don’t feel left out, Ballers: here we offer up on a silver platter another opportunity for you to jeer and judge our Park-Slopey parenting. “Why can’t their pussy kids stay home and watch TV like I did all summer? I turned out all right!” or “When I was a kid, we played stickball on a crack-vial-strewn blacktop, and we loved it!” Alternatively, you could smugly pity us as you trawl VRBO looking for the perfect shingled cottage (sleeps 2!) in P-town or plan your cosmopolitan staycation going to the Neue Galleries and playing bocce at Union Hall. You know what, FUCK YOU!