Whassup: HOT AS FUCKING BALLS Edition

Via shittykitty.biz

So, Fucking(inparkslope). Hot. Since the Slope has melted away about half it's citizenry over the holiday weekend, it's up to those of us LEFT BEHIND to enjoy the living shit out of the 'hoods offerings. Welcome to Whassup: HOT AS FUCKING BALLS edition:

* Thursday, June 2: Sixpoint Cans and Doodling, Mission Dolores: Those beautiful new Sixpoint cans pop their tops for $2 at Shitty Kitty Can Can. The doodling and drinking meetup invites guests to try their hand at sketching the cursed cat of the event's namesake comic. While drinking cans of beer. You had me at "while drinking cans of beer." 7pm.

* Saturday, June 4: South Brooklyn's Texas BBQ (First Annual, which means about as close to nothing as you can get without nothing's father forcing you to marry it, but I digress) at Camp Friendship: All-you-can-eat BBQ, open bar and live blues. Ahh, get Texas-sized the fun way -- by significantly upping the percentage of you that used to be pulled pork. 7pm-Midnight, $40 DOS.

* Saturday, June 4: Floating Kabarette, Galapagos Art Space: The Saturday showing of cabaret and burlesque gets it summer season revved up. It's a sad day when we have to sell nekkedness to you, so just fekkin' go already. The olde tyme risqueathon also features music, trapeze artists, and performance art along with the boobs. 10pm, $20.

* Sunday, June 5: Mister Sunday Dance Party, Gowanus Grove: The old BKLYN Yard space gets jiggly (is that not the word?) with spins from DJs Justin Carter and Eamon Harkin of the Yard's old Sunday Best parties. Look, we're all gonna sweat this summer anyway, might as well have a good reason for it beyond vigorous brat chewing at the park. If you're not old enough to get drafted or vote, come with a parent and it's free. 3-9pm, $12.

* Tuesday, June 7: Free Tuesdays at Brooklyn Botanic Garden: I don't understand why you're sitting there on your ass reading this and not frolicking in the plants at the Botanic Garden. Oh right. Because it's not yet Tuesday. When that is free. Please do not do your frolicking naked unless you film it and mail it to FIPS. I mean, at all. Don't do that at all.  8am-6pm, every Tuesday, all summer.

* Friday, June 10: Vanity Theft, Union Hall: Girl rock that girl-rocks hard. The foursome cracks power chords like influences Sleater-Kinney and Joan Jett. The coolest part is that you will never, ever, ever, no matter where your eyes may stray onstage, find yourself looking at a penis. 8pm Doors, $8.