We're All Fucked: Babies Are Officially Taking Over Park Slope

Photo via Flickr User hollymoody

Time to strap on your diapers, people, because babies and kids wear the pants in this nabe. Just when we thought Park Slope couldn’t get any more baby-centric, we catch wind that beloved music venue Southpaw will be taken over by a company called New York City Kids. The replacement venue will become a haven to Park Slope’s rock climbing, book-reading and needing ankle biters. 

Via The Brooklyn Paper:

Southpaw — the legendary music venue that hosted the likes of Patti Smith and Joan Jett — will close on Fifth Avenue and Sterling Place by the end of February, according to co-owner and music guru Mikey Palms.

He said a firm called New York City Kids will soon replace the grocery store-sized house of music, offering academic tutoring and rock climbing for tots.

Although we’ve known for a while that screamers in strollers and on foot overrun the Slope, it’s just getting out of control. They’re pushing us out just like they were pushed out of their mother’s vaginas, and there is no stopping it.

Mikey Palms, Southpaw's co-owner, tried to adapt to the situation by offering kiddie concerts and such, but in the end it just wasn’t cutting it. He’s moving on and focusing more on places like Williamsburg -- a place that isn’t all about kids.

“I’m kind of over Park Slope — it’s not a destination for nightlife anymore,” said Palms, who also owns Public Assembly NYC in Williamsburg. “It’s time to go.” 

Wait…what’s that you say, Susan Fox of Park Slope Parents? "Williamsburg is becoming Babysburg?"!

Well, in that case…we're all fucked.