I Got iMugged

Yep, it's true.

Yesterday morning I was the proud owner of a shiny, new-ish, much loved iPad and yesterday eve, not so much.

I got iMugged! Or iJacked! Or iFucked!

I've had quite the motherfucking week, ppl. After recovering from our little domain ish, I decided to wrap things up by smashing the shit out of my iPhone yesterday. I've dropped my phone several times on the streets of New York, once out of car window as Greg was pulling out of a garage, and IN MY MOTHERFUCKING TOILET, so I was pretty sure my lil ole phone could survive ANYTHING. Then yesterday I dropped it on the floor in our new Squarespace office, and the bitch shattered into half a billion pieces. I just dropped it on the floor! Like not really hard! Anyway, the glass is hosed...I can't even turn it on anymore, cause I'll get slivers of glass in my fingers. And yes, I do know that I *can* get it fixed, but I haven't yet.

Oh well, I thought...at least I still have my iPad!

I left work yesterday around 5:45 and went down to the N/Q downtown platform at Canal Street, like I do every night. Have you ever been to the Canal Street subway station? That's where all the homeless people of NYC go to piss, and shit, and bleed, and spooge. Sometimes I think the MTA should just remove the uptown and downtown platform signs and replace them with "Men" and "Women" signs so that people know exactly where they need to go when they have to take a dump on a subway platform. But whatevs.

Aside from the overwhelming stench-n-filth, Canal Street has always been pretty ok to me...mostly because it's only 3 short stops from 7th Avenue and it takes me like 17 mins to get to work on the Q. So right: the iMugging, last night I'm standing there and I notice that the N train was pulling into the station. I stood aside and let the exiting passengers exit. I then stepped onto the train with my back to the open door (I was planning on stealing the lean back posish after the door closed). I was holding my iPad in my hand, and lifted up my left arm to pull my bag a little further back on my shoulder, and then BOOM. Some dude runs by me, grabs my iPad out of my hands, and then tears up the stairs at the far end of the station.

SON OF A MOTHERFUCKING BITCH!

For one brief shining moment I thought about chasing him, but:

a. #myfatass

b. What the fuck was I gonna do if some miracle of fucking miracles happened, and I chased him, and he fell and I actually caught up with him?? I need someone to shoot me in the face over my iPad? No thanks.

And so the subway doors closed, and I was left standing there looking like the biggest Chumper McChumperson to ever hit the En Why Cee. I GOT IMUGGED!

So let my sad, sad story be a lesson to you all: try to look way the hell more poor than you actually are on your daily commutes.

Oh, and hide your fucking iPads deep down in your bags...or pants...or wherevs.

Le sigh.