The FIPS Guide to Your Favorite Christmas Movies
Jim | Tuesday, November 26, 2013 at 7:01AM 
Image via dadlovesmovies.comChristmas Movie Guide
The Christmas lights went up on Seventh Ave. and Fifth Ave. yesterday. Hell, on November 1st Starbucks began using their Christmas cups. Better watch out, better not cry because it's time to get into the holiday spirit. A good way to start is to watch Christmas movies over and over again. Here’s a guide to when all your favorites are airing, except for the ones we couldn’t find, like “Miracle on 34th Street.” It will probably be on AMC or something.
Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer – Rudolph is a movie about a talking reindeer who wants to hook up with this other reindeer and Santa helps him get laid. They made a million crappy spin offs that will air constantly on ABC family. In 2001 a sequel was made using computer animation. That abomination will be on ABC Family, December 19th at 7 PM. The original, 1964, Rudolph movie is only on once. November 26th at 8 PM on CBS. DVR it and to watch at a more appropriate time. Like December. Fucking CBS.
How The Grinch Stole Christmas – The Grinch is a hairy dude who likes having his own space. He's single, lives in what looks like a cave and has a sweet dog. Sounds like somebody did a biopic on your favorite FIPS writer. The 1966 cartoon will be on November 29th at 8 PM on ABC and then again on TBS at 8PM on December 13th. Finally it's on Christmas Eve at 8PM on ABC where it'll be followed by the live action remake. I've never seen the live action one because Jim Carrey's makeup terrifies me. It's going to be on ABC Family at least 14 times over the next 4 weeks. I'm going to have to figure out how to block that channel.
Frosty The Snow Man - Big fat guy with a hat and a pipe or a cigar. Like W. C. Fields? I don't really remember this movie. I thought I remembered the song but I can only hum it. It's a catchy tune though. Can't take that away from Frosty. CBS, Dec 6 at 8PM
A Charlie Brown Christmas – Sad cartoon characters play sad music around a sad tree. Sad, sad, sad. Right Sad Fred. If this movie was in stop motion animation it would make Wes Anderson jizz in his pants. Merry Jizzmas, Wes. ABC, Dec 2 at 8PM
A Christmas Story – It's like a 2 hour long Christmas special of The Wonder Years. If that's your cup of tea I have great news. It'll be airing continuously on TBS for Christmas Day. Now I have another channel to figure out how to block.
The Year Without a Santa Claus – DVR this second rate Rankin Bass production so you can fast forward to Heat Miser and Snow Miser. Nobody gives a shit about the rest of it. [Ed. Note: This listing was added by Karen, because Jim has never seen this movie. WTF is up with that?!] ABC Family December 25th at 7:30 AM, so your kids can watch it while you're sleeping in on Christmas Day.
It's a Wonderful Life – Greatest movie of all time starring the greatest actor of his or any generation. If it’s your first time I’d suggest watching it alone with half a bottle of rum. I hear that’s good to do. It’ll be on NBC December 14th and 24th at 8 PM
National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation – A dumbass family has Christmas dinner together. A sequel to an extremely overrated movie. Short of being beaten or molested, people are nostalgic about ANYTHING from childhood. I wish this was a Fletch Christmas movie instead. That’s so Fletch. Gretchen, stop trying to make Fletch happen. It’s not going to happen. Airing 10 times on ABC Family. WTF does this channel do when it's not Christmas season? It'll be on at 1 PM and 9 PM Christmas Day.
Mickey's Christmas Carol – Mean boss travels time with ghosts to learn life lessons. Just in time for Christmas. Inspired casting of Scrooge McDuck as Ebenezer Scrooge. Those names aren’t a coincidence. I remember this being a little scary for a Disney cartoon but it should be. There are ghosts and shit in it. 4 showings on ABC Family this year. First one is 12/2 at 6:30 PM.
The Muppet Christmas Carol – We could really make this an entire list of different versions of A Christmas Carol. I’m not sure if I’ve ever seen this one but The Muppets are very in right now. 8 times on ABC Family. Including 11 AM and Midnight on Christmas Day. First showing December 5th at 9 PM
The Santa Clause – Tim Allen is bitten by a Santa Claus and becomes one. He’s a lawyer too I guess hence the pun title. A lot of “hey you going to finish that?” jokes. Marathon of the three movies. December 21st starting at 6 PM on, you guessed it, ABC Family.
Scrooged – A modern retelling of “A Christmas Carol” with Bill Murray. A personal favorite. Makes its season premiere on (shiver) ABC Family on December 3rd at 8 PM. It'll be on at 11 AM Christmas Eve too.
Die Hard – An office Christmas party gone wrong until Bruce Willis saves the day. He didn’t run out to the store to get more eggnog either. Now I have a machine gun. Ho, ho, ho. December 1st at 11:30 PM on CMT
The Nightmare Before Christmas – Goth girl fantasy characters celebrate Christmas with dead people. I remember not liking this movie. It’s not as dark as it’s designed to look. That’s kind of a waste. Although this is the season for wasting things. So enjoy. December 1st at 1 PM on MTV.
Which one is your favorite?
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