"The Allure of Brooklyn" Creates Hipster Criminals and Idiot Girlfriends

Image Via Gothamist

Gothamist reports that during last year's Memorial Day weekend festivities, self-proclaimed "hipster" Sophia Anderson and her "hipster" boyfriend Dan Sajewski, drunkenly drove Dan's parents' Benz through an old lady's (not a hipster) house in Long Island. Attempting to be the "cool girlfriend", Sophia swapped seats with Sajewski and took the blame for the crash to protect him from violating his probation. 

NOTE: Ladies, don't do this shit...it rarely works out in your favor. 

Surprise, Dan didn't pull through on a promised Hamptons vacay OR paying all Sophia's legal fees...but we saw that coming, didn't we?

Here's the clincher: Sophia's lawyer, John LoTurco, blames her relationship with Sajewski a little, but mostly he blames our fair borough for Anderson's problems. He states, “She’s doing great...without the negative influences of Daniel and the allure of Brooklyn." He continues, “The allure of Brooklyn was her boyfriend’s circle of friends and the hipster lifestyle that was going on at that period of time — the drinking, the drugging". 

But Mr. LoTurco, I'd like to argue that Sophia's Brooklyn zip code wasn't completely to blame.

Here are some possible positive things she could've learned in Brooklyn:

• How to make a life-changing kale/apple/acai smoothie (and the virtues of a Vitamix)
• How to get away with wearing the ugliest clothes possible and still look like an Olson twin
• How to remain elitist yet "down to earth"about things like: The Kardashians, pour-over coffee, indie record store bakeries, obscure foreign films, and her local FSA program
• How to harvest compost for her mini-farm located on the roof of her brownstone
• How to trick Beacon's Closet into actually giving her more than .50 cents for an entire wardrobe
• How to fix a flat bike tire while simultaneously chain-smoking American Spirits and guzzling a 40oz Miller High Life

But seriously Sophia, if you figured out that Beacon's Closet trick...email me.