Whassup: Thank God We're Not in Tampa Edition

via thedailydolt.com

Calm down, everyone. I know we've all got the Paul Ryan fever. Those dreamy eyes. That rock-solid athlete's body. That Ayn Rand-infested brain. The Republican National Convention is in full effect, and so I know all of Park Slope is horny with political rage. Channel that emotion into something worthwhile -- alcohol-fueled revelry -- with this week's lineup of events. It's Whassup: Thank God We're Not in Tampa Edition:

* Thursday, Aug. 30: Vaselines, Bell House: The revived popularity of 90's alt/grunge bands continues unabated (it's not just me, right?). The Vaselines were one of those bands Kurt Cobain pulled into mainstream awareness -- remember the achingly mournful "Jesus Don't Want Me for a Sunbeam" on the Unplugged album? Yeah, Vaselines song. The group also released its second album a couple years ago, called "Sex with an Ex," a pretty good metaphor for returning to the music of your teenage years, I think. 8pm Doors, $22 DOS.

* Saturday, Sep. 1: Dr. Who Premiere, Weigh Station: The Weigh Station -- that steampunk-themed, sorta-jazz bar in Prospect Heights -- is pretty much designed to be a Dr. Who screening spot. The bathroom is inside a Tardis, for geekdom's sake! (The Tardis being the eponymous hero's time-traveling phonebooth/vehicle.) Don't be embarrassed to dork out -- you'll be among friends. Doors 4pm, Screening 6pm, FREE.

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Whassup: Nearly September Edition

Reggie Watts might swear at AfroPunk

I'm not going to go look at the actual, official date for the end of summer because "factually accurate" is just not how we do things around here. But, you all know: ever since the days of riding swings and popping rad wheelies, the last week in August spells the end of skipping rocks all day. On the fields, the football players are suited up, and on the trees, the leaves are preparing to turn pretty and dead. So, for all intents and purposes, there's one more week of summer. Make it count by filling it with drunken fun, with Whassup: Nearly September Edition:

* Thursday, Aug. 23: Adira's Experience, Littlefield: Long a closing act for comedy and variety shows around these parts, Adira Amram and the Experience bring their unabashedly eighties outfits and joyously cheesy dance moves to the headlining slot. It's the most laughing you'll do while shakin' that thang.7:30pm, Doors, $10 DOS.

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Whassup: School Sales Edition

via dollarstoredeals.net

Are you guys hitting the back-to-school sales as hard as I am? Holy shit, the pencils, folks. The pencils! So reasonably priced! And did you get a Spider-Man folder or a Barbie Trapper Keeper? My point is that it's mid-August, and that used to mean something -- you know, back when life changed from year to year, instead of interminable years in offices where we will all die because the middle class will never be able to retire anymore? Think back to fonder times with Whassup: School Sales Edition:

* Saturday, Aug. 18: Inner Beauty Pageant, Film Biz Pro Shop: Brooklyn is where precious ideas go to become locally famous. So, this thing could totally work here. An antidote to a society obsessed with the exterior, this is a pageant all about what's inside. (Because we're never going to stop being a society obsessed with competition.) 8pm, FREE.

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Whassup: Fall Calling Edition

Lyle in the park (via deviantart.net)

Summer has a few traditions: the first pitch, July 4th explosions, beer gardens, the swift end of the Celebrate Brooklyn season. Well, it always seems swift to me. Lyle Lovett closes out this year's edition (see below). That means it's almost football season, I suppose, so we can all look forward to soon pastifying these summer tans. Welcome to Whassup: Fall Calling Edition:

* Friday, Aug. 10: Spike Does BK (Again), BAM: Opening Aug. 10, Spike Lee returns (cinematically) to Brooklyn, with a joint on religion in Red Hook. Spike himself visits the 7:10 and 10pm showings opening night. Come ask if the number-one Knicks fan plans to be at any Brooklyn Nets games. Various times, $12.

* Saturday, Aug. 11: Beets and Beats, Korzo: A new (planned-to-be) annual gathering, "Brooklyn Beet Day" combines two of Park Slope's obsessions: artisanal foods and local music. Taste suds from Peak Organic and a new beet-sugar vodka from Industry City Distillery. 8pm, FREE.

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Whassup: Already August Edition

 Every summer it happens: you look up from your Celebrate Brooklyn picnic of cheeses from Union Market, and suddenly it's August. Your skinny jeans have grown even more ridiculously tight. That annoying Park Slope toddler is now a terrifying Park Slope child. Summers are nearly done by the time you double-knot your outdoor-concert Chucks, it seems. But I don't mean to depress you. There's still August left. Welcome to Whassup: Already August Edition: 

* Friday, Aug. 3: Wild Flag/Mission of Burma, Bandshell: Celebrate Brooklyn has saved some of the best free shows for the last month. As we told you earlier this week, there's a big-ass, punk-fest this week with Wild Flag and Mission of Burma. Get high and bring some ear plugs. 6pm Doors, FREE. 

* Saturday, Aug. 4: Afropunk Block Party, Fulton St.: As a warmup of sorts to their bigger festival later this month, the Afropunk folks will DJ your hips off on the block. That's an old school Brooklyn party. 12pm-6pm, FREE. 

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