Quit Your Whining And Start Shoveling

How they do it in Bay Ridge. Take a lesson!You people are embarrassing me. What a bunch of whiners. They're writing articles about our inability to dig out our cars without public meltdowns. From the Brooklyn Paper.

The streets of Park Slope turned into a disaster zone on Monday morning when alternate-side-of-the-street parking resumed, forcing residents to dig out cars, battle for open spots and, in at least one case, slam into each other.

Many residents refused to move their snow-in cars despite the scheduled cleaning, and few received tickets.

Sister Francis McCool told police that she was stuck waiting in the long line of unmoving traffic when another car slammed into hers from the right side.

“This has been the worst day. First I had to get someone to dig out my car. Then there was all the traffic, and now this accident. I don’t know what to do, go home and cry?” McCool said.

Oh, buck the fuck up already, sissy!

Which was basically what the commenters said:  

Mike says:

These people get FREE parking -- and they're COMPLAINING? Ludicrous.

Kayemtee from Downtown says:

Unlike most suburbs and many other countries, we have given car owners the right to park on our public streets for free. In Brownstone neighborhoods, we allow car owners to illegally double park cars during alternate side cleaning. Why? If these folks can keep their cars unmoved for a month, do they really need them? And the media gives them a forum to gripe when we dare to ask them to move them after a month?

boof from brooklyn says:

It's a lot of responsibility having a car. If you can't handle it, just get rid of it.

Steve from PPW says:

Seriously? How entitled can you get? If your car was snowed in and iced over, perhaps you should have removed the snow and ice yourself when it was easier to do so? Car drivers are the most entitled, spoiled constituency in New York.

Besides, shoveling is fun. And good for you! Sort of like pilates and kickboxing combined.

And, even if it's not, you can always go hire yourselves a Tarzian guy to come do it for you like Only The Blog Knows Louise did. You may make fun of her but Smart Mom knows how to outsource.

And, while I'm getting ranty, SHOVEL YOUR DOG SHIT too! Why does the snow make you think you've got a free pass to smearing fucking fecal matter all over the sidewalks????

FIPS Cares: Ice Storm Mania; I Can't Afford To Break My Ass

The world is a dangerous place, I know. But today the hazards are feeling especially close to home. Like on my front stoop, which is currently coated with ice. And the sidewalks, which are currently coated with ice. And the stairs to anywhere. And the whole damn city. Hell, the whole country if the meteorologists are to be believed.

"The National Weather Service has issued an Ice Storm Warning for New York City until 9:00 AM this morning. Freezing rain mixed with sleet will continue through mid-morning bringing a total of 1/2 to 3/4 of an inch of ice accumulations. Exercise extreme caution when traveling."

This is the Day After Tomorrow people! And we may even have Jake Gyllenhaal to save us if we have to take shelter at the library.

So, what are the fashion-forward folks of New York to do? This is not a day for pointy toed shoes and high heels. Unless, that is, you want to strap on these fabulous ice cleats pictured above.

How are you coping with walking today? Do you have a strategy for getting to and fro? And have you fallen on your tush yet? My former editor once fell and actually broke her ass bone. Miraculously, I have not.

But the end is nigh. I feel it in my bones. I'm thinking of getting an "I've fallen and I can't get up" wrist band. You?

Coming Soon To A Park Slope Corner Near You: SNOW FURNITURE

Spotted this weekend by a FIPS reader on Union Street.

Perhaps when the Park Slope Food Coop walkers get tired, they can go take a 10 minute break on the snofa?

Raise Your Hand If You Are Over This Fucking Snow?

via dagomatic's Flickr

CAUSE I AM SO FUCKING OVER THIS SNOW. LIKE SOOOOOOOOO.

Is it snowing again out right now? Prolly! I won't even look out my window though, cause I don't wanna know.

Ok, in an effort to not poke my own eyeballs out with a rusty nail, I've decided to focus on some of the positives. My glass is so fucking half full, ppl.

• Look at all of these beautiful pics of the snow! Snow is pretty! Before it turns black, of course...black like my heart (via @ataferner).
• Help this kind-hearted snow dude find the cute snow girl so that they can go drink snow beers! Barf! I mean yay! (craigslist).
• Ok Park Slope Food Coop...you win. I kind of like you a *leetle* bit after seeing the photo above (via Gothamist).
• That lil ole blizzard from December...that cost us all at least $68 millies (NY Times) (and ok, that one is a negative...had to slip it in).
• Aw, doesn't this totally remind you of Daryl Hannah and your long lost youth and blah, blah, blah? Yeah, me too: Snow Mermaid on 6th Ave and 1st Street (via Park Slope Lens).

Dear Al Gore,

Help!

Love,

NYC

Entitled Neighbor Watch: Don't Block The Snow Plow

BREAKING: your sorry ass if you don't stop blocking snow plows while blithely digging out your Mercedes. @JudyGoldberg was about to make a citizen's arrest but her kid talked her down. See, the rugrats round here are good for something.

More from Judy:

My son and i were standing on the corner of PPW and third street Marveling at how three snow plows were coordinating their efforts. The first was on the park side shoveling snow down from the side to the middle, the second was going down the middle and the third was bringing up the rear and pushing snow to the other side. It was actually, balletic. Except when the 3rd snow blow got to the corner a Park Slope Swell was digging her Mercedes SUV out and refused to budge given the snow plow two options—veer off it's course to let her get her way or stop and to get her two move. The problem with the 2nd option was that the snow plow was straddling 3rd street so all the traffic had to come to a grinding halt. The snow plow driver honked, the cars honked and the woman dug her feels in Yelling I'm not moving I've got to get my car out. What was even crazier was that the snow plow's 3 prong effort had made it so that nobody was getting a mountain of snow in either direction, so her car wasn't going to be buried. Finally the snowplow driver got out. And clearly saw this woman wasn't going to give in show after exchanging words she got in and drove her plow around. This all took about 10 minutes and we learned a little bit about snow clearing and lot about how the Mercedes SUV is more than just a status symbol its a license to bring the entire snow removal effort to a halt.

Anyway, I'm going sledding now. And snowballing.

Behave yourselves and please don't be a douchebag to your neighbors or hardworking road crews today!