FIPS Food Throwdowns: The Burger Edition [Flipster's vs. Purity Diner]

Okay, so here’s the situation: after asking you jerks for some suggestions on where to do this month’s FIPS Food Throwdown (the burger edition), I got a bunch of whiny bullshit about how I’m an asshole for even thinking of getting a burger delivered to me.  I should eat it at the restaurant, you said, or I should make one for myself because it’s not that hard! 

LISTEN: I know it’s not that hard to make a goddamned burger.  I love to cook, and I do it often.  But, guess what?  Sometimes life gets in the way.  Sometimes you have to stay late at a job you hate and you’re too tired or lazy to make dinner.  Sometimes you’d like to cook, but you don’t have the time to get to the store.  This is why delivery exists, and this is why this column exists—we wade through the delivery dregs to find the best options for specific foods/meals if you don’t feel like busting out your pots and pans and cooking.

So, now that we’re all on the same page, let’s fucking do this. 

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FIPS Food Throwdowns: The Burger Edition [Suggestions, pleaze]

Many of you may or may not be familiar with our monthly series, FIPS Food Throwdowns.  Basically, this is a battle royale of the take out world.  We judge on ordering ease, delivery time, price, taste, and how the food held up in transit.  We've done Asian, Mexican, and now, in honor of the beginning of BBQ season—we're doing burgers.

There are tons of restaurants around here that offer up a-m-a-z-i-n-g burgers, but a burger in a restaurant is a whole different ball game than a burger that's delivered to you.  So many things can go wrong!  For one, if it's shoved in a styrofoam container, the bun will almost certainly be soggy and gross.

So, what two places should we try out for the ultimate burger smackdown?  Remember, they HAVE to deliver.

Help a sister out?

FIPS Food Throwdowns: The Sweet & Sour Edition [Szechuan Delight vs. Red Hot II]

FIPS Food Throwdowns is a monthly series where we order the same exact thing from two different Park Slope restaurants, get it delivered, and evaluate which was better.  It's a culinary smackdown...a triumph of the delivery will. 

If you're unfamiliar with FIPS Food Throwdowns check out our first one, where the sombrero-wearing ayayayayyyy ridiculous Rancho Alegre beat out Barrio in a guacamole throwdown in the biggest upset of 2010 (not counting the Sandra Bullock/Jesse James debacle, of course. It's embarassing how much I care). 

This month, it's all about the Asian invasion, baby!  And by Asian invasion, I mean something really inauthentic like sweet & sour chicken.  Szechuan Delight versus Red Hot II—who will be the champion?  

Both places will be judged by certain criteria:

Ordering ease: Ever had to spend 15 minutes on the phone just trying to order a fucking chips and guacamole only to find out they have a $30 minimum and don't take American Express?  Yeah, thanks, Los Pollitos II.  We appreciate it when a place makes it simple.

Delivery time: Anything under 15 minutes is a miracle.  Anything over 45 minutes, I'm grabbing my torch and pitchfork.  

Price: Because you should never spend $40 on takeout unless it's 4AM, you're drunk, and you decide that you and your two friends need 5 large pizzas.  

How'd it hold up?: Soggy fries, leaking miso soups, cold pizza—even though I know my food is being slung over some guy's shoulder and transported on a bike, I'd like it to not look like it was.  

Taste: Obviously.

Bonus: Extra sauces?  Plastic containers that you can use again for lunch?  Score.

So, let's do this!

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FIPS Food Throwdowns: The Guacamole Edition [Barrio vs. Rancho Alegre]

So, it's Sunday, you're hungover, you don't want to move, and you're trying to decide which place in the nabe has the best General Tso's. Or maybe you're wondering if there's a restaurant in existence anywhere that is capable of bringing you a burger and fries that isn't soggy and terrible from the time it's spent hanging out in its styrofoam home.   

BAM!: FIPS Food Throwdowns! A monthly series where we order the same exact thing from two different Park Slope restaurants, get it delivered, and evaluate which was better.  It's a culinary smackdown...a triumph of the delivery will.  I know your lazy asses are so ready for this shit. 

So this is how it's going to work.  The places will be judged by certain criteria:

Ordering ease: Ever had to spend 15 minutes on the phone just trying to order a fucking chips and guacamole only to find out they have a $30 minimum and don't take American Express?  Yeah, thanks, Los Pollitos II.  We appreciate it when a place makes it simple.

Delivery time: Anything under 15 minutes is a miracle.  Anything over 45 minutes, I'm grabbing my torch and pitchfork.  

Price: Because you should never spend $40 on takeout unless it's 4AM, you're drunk, and you decide that you and your two friends need 5 large pizzas.  

How'd it hold up?: Soggy fries, leaking miso soups, cold pizza—even though I know my food is being slung over some guy's shoulder and transported on a bike, I'd like it to not look like it was.  

Taste: Obviously.

Bonus: Extra sauces?  Plastic containers that you can use again for lunch?  Score.

I know all you foodies out there will inevitably hate the two places I pick.  I get it.  But I have to pick just two places to face each other in a head-to-head [mortal] combat.  Feel free to suggest which places YOU think are the best for each featured food/dish—FIPS Food Throwdowns are just a random slice-of-pizza life sampling. 

Here goes:

FIPS Food Throwdowns: The Guacamole Edition

Barrio vs. Rancho Alegre

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