BROOKLYN REAL ESTATE FANTASY: WOMAN MAKES 11,744% PROFIT

If you own a piece of real estate in Brooklyn, Mildred Furiya has a message for you: HOLD THE FUCK ON TO IT.

This chick bought a four-story townhouse on State Street in 1967 for $16,000. And if you think that sounds like a bargain, remember that back in 1967, Brooklyn Heights was basically the hood: "the block was a hangout for vagrants and a boarding house across the street was home to a group of prostitutes." 

Anyway, Furiya put in her time, renovated shit and waited this whole gentrification thing out. Annnnnd she just sold the joint for a cool $1.895 millie.

Well, shit, I own an apt in BK!

And I've done the calculations, thanks to Mildred! So FYI, our 1bd apt should be worth approximately 11 billion dollars in 2059.

W00T!

(via Gothamist)

WHO GIVES A SHIT: How Horrendous Is It To Live On 4th Ave?

image via Dave Ford Does Earth

Ok, so it's been a couple of years now. And though 4th ave has yet to turn into Brooklyn's "Park Avenue" (didn't Marty Markowitz say this bullshit sometime, somewhere?), there's probably way more ppl living on this Avenue cum quasi-highway than there were several years ago.

I swore I'd never live down there and even I went to look at the Arias a couple of weekends ago (for the record, it was pretty damn nice).

So, I'm curious: how shitty is it to actually live there?

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WHO GIVES A SHIT: Let's Talk Neighbors

Q o' the day: What's up with your neighbors?

Allison posted last week about how her suburb spy doesn't know shit about her neighbors, as opposed to when they mingled and cuddled and whatever in the Slope. But, uh, I'm coming up on a year in my new place, and of the ten units on my hall, I've essentially only met three neighbors, one of whom is my super (and a necessary contact for bug-killing).

I also have no idea who lives on the floor above me--though I do know if I ever meet the person who lives directly above, I'd like her to stop rearranging her furniture at four in the fucking morning every day.

So, do you know your neighbors? Do you care? Are you enjoying a life of solitude or do rad people live around you?

Photo: Park Slope Lens

Paradise Lost (Or Why City Folk Should Never Move To The Suburbs)

Last summer, a lifelong Park Slope pal of mine was dragged kicking and screaming from her childhood home to a "better life" in the burbs of CT. You can probably still find her fingernails carved into the sidewalk in front of her old house. Right next to that pile of dog shit somewhere on President or Carroll or maybe Garfield. I'm not saying 'cause she's going incognito. 

As my suburban spy approaches her first anniversary, I asked her to fill us in on life beyond Park Slope. Think of her as our very own deep throat. No, not that one. The Watergate one, you dumbasses. 

Lest we forget, let this cautionary tale serve as a reminder of all the things we should be grateful for in our not so humble hood. Even though we may sometimes feel that Park Slope IS practically a suburb, it's really not.

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WHO GIVES A SHIT: AM I THE ONLY ONE PAYING $1 MILLION TO LIVE ON TOP OF A DIRT MOUND?

We live in Park Slope, so it's safe to say that we've all been seduced by brownstones, blooming trees, and apple-cheeked children being carted around in strollers.  Wait, we've been seduced by children?  That's not what I meant (OR IS IT?). 

In any event, living in such a beautiful, gentrified neighborhood has its drawbacks.  Mainly, one: the motherfucking rent.

But, you can justify certain things, right?  You pay a lot of money, but everything's pretty great, right? 

WRONG. 

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