WHO GIVES A SHIT: AM I THE ONLY ONE PAYING $1 MILLION TO LIVE ON TOP OF A DIRT MOUND?

We live in Park Slope, so it's safe to say that we've all been seduced by brownstones, blooming trees, and apple-cheeked children being carted around in strollers.  Wait, we've been seduced by children?  That's not what I meant (OR IS IT?). 

In any event, living in such a beautiful, gentrified neighborhood has its drawbacks.  Mainly, one: the motherfucking rent.

But, you can justify certain things, right?  You pay a lot of money, but everything's pretty great, right? 

WRONG. 

I pay approximately $1 million dollars in rent to live on top of a dirt mound.

Clearly, I'm a moron, and I must have been blind when I initially looked at my apartment building because the garbage piles up outside so much that the building has been fined on two separate occasions by the Department of Sanitation. 

So, instead of you know, cleaning up the garbage outside, my landlord decided to slip one of those condescending, "How to Recycle and Throw Out Your Garbage" pamphlets under everyone's door. 

What's that, you say?  Garbage goes in a garbage can? I never would have thought of that. 

I'm aware that it doesn't make sense to burn down your own apartment building, but I came pretty close at that moment. 

When I moved into the apartment, the hallway was going to be "redone."  They redid it all right.  They painted it three different shades of orange, which is a great color scheme if you're Helen goddamned Keller.  They also spray painted the stairs black, so we've got a really nice Halloween theme going, which is appropriate, I guess, because every time I'm in the hallway, I feel like there's a 62% chance I'm going to get murdered with a chainsaw.

Am I the only sucker that this is happening to? 

Do you pay way too much to live in an apartment building that looks like it's straight off an ep of Sanford & Son?