Cops Slap Brooklyn Cyclist with Tickets Totaling Over $1,500, Making Him an Example For the Rest of us

How many times have you coasted through a red light or two on your Schwinn with no consequences?  We all do it from time without a second thought.  One Brooklyn man recently learned the hard way that the strong arm of the law may strike swiftly when you least expect it.   

The story goes like this: a Brooklyn hipster woke one morning up last month, relaxed then combed his beard, enjoyed a nice French Press, tight-rolled his chain-side pant leg and set off on his fixed gear.  During a romantic trek through Williamsburg he ran three red lights WHILE wearing headphones in both ears.  Finally, the police intervened, slapping him with tickets totaling $1,555. Here’s what the cyclist had to say for himself:

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"NO BBQ" SIGNS POSTED IN PROSPECT PARK: AN END TO GUERILLA GRILLING?

What do cigarettes and grills in New York City have in common these days? Seems like you can't light 'em up outdoors anywhere! 

No longer can we pull the “I had no idea!” scheme when grilling anywhere the fuck we want in the park. This excuse almost always works when dealing with park rangers, parking lot security, mall cops, and any law enforcement that is upwardly mobile via Segway or horse. 

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SAY GOODBYE (Maybe) TO BoCoCa, La-Fu & Other Fake BK Neighborhoods

Because of a broker, I spent six months believing that my first Brooklyn apartment was situated in the coveted nabe of Park Slope. "Just at the southern tip," I was told, and paid a hefty rent accordingly. Know where I lived, guys? 27TH STREET AND 4TH FUCKIN' AVENUE (Heyyyy, Eagle Provisions! I miss your kielbasa). 

For brokers and Craigslist posters, throwing a cardinal direction onto an existing neighborhood is common when blurring boundary lines (ahem, East Williamsburg). But what appears to be nearly as frequent and MORE ridiculous is the complete fabrication of neighborhood monikers that brokers pull from their asses to inflate rental costs. See: "Pro-Cro" (Prospect and Crown Heights), "La-Fu" (The Lafayette and Fulton intersection in Fort Greene) and my PERSONAL fave, "BoCoCa" (a magical place where Carroll Gardens, Boerum Hill and Cobble Hill collide). The thing is, these names are SO FUCKING STUPID. Who wants to live in a neighborhood that sounds like a sugary cocktail served in a coconut, or a place to take your purse dog for hairapy and a pink bow?

Regardless, a state lawmaker is pushing for a bill that would ban brokers from Frankensteining New York City neighborhoods to jack up rental prices.

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