Rosie Perez is a Real Brooklynite. We're Not [You Might Not Be Either]

Rosie gets into the nitty gritty of who is and isn't a REAL Brooklnite with Brian Lehrer of WNYC.

Our fave comment on the debate comes from Robert from NYC: What makes a real Brooklynite? The ability to turn people off quickly by talking about Brooklyn.

[Lulz!]

[Also, Noah brought our attensh to the hilarious SNL vid above, which also explores this very same issue].

(via Brooklyn Hall of Fame).

9 [eh, fuck it 10] Questions: Notorious B.I.G.

9 Questions is our new semi-regular column in which attempt to get to the heart of someone's down-n-dirty "Brooklyn-ness," (or lack thereof), with the same nine simple questions.

Meet Notorious B.I.G.: the greatest rapper of all fuckin' time.

(ed note: Ok, so like, of course, we get that this isn't the *real* Biggie..cuz the real Biggie is dead. But this is Twitter Biggie. And for Twitter Biggie, its kinda just like none of that murder shit actually ever went down. Which is a very good fuckin' thing, because as I've mentioned before, I'm obsessed with Twitter Biggie. Twitter Biggie is hilarious...and watches The Hills...and kindly agreed to answer some questions for us. But our normal 9 questions were not inneresting enough for Big Poppa, so we switched shit up a bit).

1. What does Biggie order from a Chinese restaurant?
Most of the time Faye order Chinese for me, she got like a radar for the crispiest wontons. But did yall ever hit up Peaches over on Lewis? Those motherfuckers got a smothered pork chop make you pistol whip your mom, if she in the way. Come with dirty rice too.

2. Do you ever come to Park Slope? What do you think of the neighborhood?
You know, I don't get out there much any more. I did hit up a club with a few from my crew last summer, but it was some crazy shit. Skinny bitches up in the club, some fine as hell, rockin Versace, Louis Vuitton pocketbooks. But you aint gonna believe this shit, Bitches brang in they shorties?! Straight up: hos pushin strollers, slangin mad diaper bags. On the real, we hit the door quick. White people crazy.

3. What are your thoughts on Obama's win (and did you vote for him)?
Oh shit! Yall hittin Poppa in the heart. Puffy put me up on that election shit, and after that, it was ON. Poppa watched every debate like it was Toni Braxton in a thong. But real talk: Obama got every black man in America up, out his house, and to the damn polls. Them poll bitchasses couldn't find my name on the voting list, so I had to do a conditional vote or some shit. Luckily homie won, else there was bout to be some punchin up in that motherfucker. But regardless, President Obama make Poppa mad proud.

4. Favorite Blog?
I've been hittin up Oh Word for a minute now. Yall seen that ghetto big mac shit? My crew fell the fuck out when we seen that. I do some drive bys with SOHH.com, Cocaine Blunts, and The Rap Up.

5. What do you think of the upcoming biopic about your life? Did they get it right?
Oh word, that movie? I came through the set a few times, guess they been mad busy. It aint like video shoots I been in, aint nobody smokin mad blunts, or havin some food, kickin it. Motherfuckers be rushin around, hollerin at each other, talkin bout this take or that take. And if yall think you gonna come through and have a conversation? Forget that shit. Everyone too busy, rushin past, It's like you aint even there.

But let me ask you something - don't you think Gravy a little big to be playin me? I mean, I aint one of the Skinny Boys or anything, but... know what i'm sayin?

6. What are the last 5 songs you listened to on your ipod? (walkman?)
No walkman here, what, you think it's 1989? I been bumpin this:
* Weezy - "A Milli" - I don't know what the fuck this lil turtle sayin, but this beat slammin.
* Curtis Mayfield - "If there's a Hell Below, We're All Going to Go" - This bassline leading into the strings is like velvet jones.
* Beyonce - "Single Ladies" - Poppa still tight with Hova, thats all I got to say bout that.
* Gil Scott-Heron - "The Revolution Will Not Be Televised" - You will not be able to stay home, brother.
* Common Feat. Kanye - "Punch Drunk Love"- Kanye and Common together? Too fly, no question bout that.

7. Is the recession affecting you at all?
Yo, I got a financial adviser talkin crazy to me, talkin bout "yall need to buy Wal-Mart, and ya Netscape stock ain't worth shit." I don't know what kinda world we livin in when we supposed to buy stock in that mess, and Netscape aint gonna make nobody rich? Can you explain that one to Poppa?

8. If you pay for it, is it cheating?
I dont know who the fuck you talkin to, but Poppa aint never paid for shit. Was it Tiff that told you that? Fuck all that bullshit, a diamond necklace and a car aint payin for it. Homegirl trippin.

9. Are you friends with @The_Real_Shaq? Do you think he deserves all the attention he's getting?
Word, homie on Twitter? Yall know, he still tight with Fu-Schnickens? Poppa aint heard that joint in a minute! "Can we rock? What's up Doc!" Back in '92 Poppa tried to bust a little fast-rap, but I guess I got a fat tongue or something, never sounded right. And fuck all that two-step shit anyway, how the fuck you supposed to break it down when you jumpin around like that? But Shaq, he sound dope - "I'm the Hoopa-Hypa, protected by a viper..." Shit was nice. I'm a get him on my list.

10. Are you a mac or a PC?
Word, Poppa's the miggedy-mac.

(ed note: shit, now I be mad crushin on Big Poppa).

Jonathan Safran Foer Answers Your FIPS Internship Questions

Inspired by our comrades at Gawker, FIPS went in search of our own literary giant to fill our open internship spot. Thanks to the misuse and manipulation of childhood friendships, we scored big: Jonathan Safran Foer, wunderkind of the American literary scene, spent the morning of Bagel Monday interning at the FIPS Park Slope office! We didn't have much busywork for him to attend to, so the Everything is Illuminated author spent most of the morning responding to your email.

Again, apologies for the last-minute notice: FIPS is new and we had to take him when we could get him! It was beyond charitable of him to volunteer in the first place- Special thanks to everyone who took time out of their weekend to send in questions for JSF!

Here's the cream of the crop:

LauraBeans: "How do you feel about The Guardian's recent coinage of the term Schadenfoer?"

JSF: Consider a dormouse. He occupies a silent corner of a vast barn, dwelling beneath the radar of the other barnyard animals. He hardly surfaces except to sprint from bale to bale while the other creatures sleep. The other animals, innately, know the dormouse is present, but his presence is not felt so much as imagined. Without his exposure, the confirmation of his being, the other animals are left to conceive his likeness through their own immersions; The Guardian are a bunch of jerkoffs.

SashimiPimp: Why do you think it seems to be so hip to hate you? Aren't you just an author? Is it all just jealousy?

JSF: My Uncle Eli used to espouse three somewhat differing aphorisms regarding the derivation of emotional intensity. The first was that within each of us, there is a capacity to be each other. Not in a Dionysian sense, but really and truly to step into the shoes of everyone around us. Faced with the realities of those who are tangential to our extended existence, we take on the differences between ourselves in the form of longing, desire, and even rage. I can't remember the other two. It's jealousy; they're a bunch of jerkoffs.

BaconBlitz: Which is your favorite Chinese restaurant in the slope, and what do you normally order?

JSF: We like Red Hot. Their General Tao's Chicken is sublime.

BenedictA: Congrats on being a new father! How is parenthood treating you so far - is it what you expected?

JSF: It's sublime. Last night at two in the morning, baby awakes and looks around unsure, calls for my wife but not me and I think, what plan does nature make for me while my wife is at the helm of my child's life? That crying, those tears, sobbing heaviness like war, and love, emotional love, filled with an energy that unleashes itself KA-BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM KA-KA-KA-KA-BOOOOOOOOOOOOOO KA-KA-KA-KA-KA-BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM flooding his room and our hearts with a deluge of what could no longer be held back, when he released into the universe a light so powerful that if it could have been harnessed and utilized, rather than sent forth and wasted, the Germans wouldn't have had a chance.

MtnCliver: How do you feel about the ongoing collapse of the Global Financial System?

JSF: It gives me heavy boots.

Yo, Jonathan Safran Foer: We LIKE You!

Holy Christ, people hate the shit out of this Jonathan Safran Foer author dude.

I haven't done a proper scientific analysis, but at first blush it seems like the list of the most hated motherfuckers in Park Slope goes something like this: "Natalie" from this post on Brooklynian, Mice and then Jonathan Safran Foer.

The Guardian even coined a new word: "Schadenfoer," i.e. the hatred of rich, young, successful Park Slope authors like JSF?

It's all a bit mind mending for me.

I mean, I read Everything is Illuminated and liked it a lot. I've never read anything else the dude has written, but I'm sure its mostly pretty good. I'm jealous that he has lots of money and I don't, but its not like he stole it from an elderly immigrant woman who had been saving pennies in a jar since the Nixon administration. What is it?? Why is the haterade flowin so freely?

Cause, you know we like to go out on a limb here at FIPS and go our own way...march to the beat of our own drum, etc. You go right, we go left. You say Yamato, we say JPan. As such, we think its only fair that we pipe up and pipe up loudly regarding this whole Jonathan Safran Foer ish. So here it is:

TEAM JONATHAN SAFRAN FOER, MOTHERFUCKERS!!

Fuck all y'all haters.

JSF rulez, and you're all suckez....how you like us now?

Park Slope Just Got A Lot Less Celebrified: L8, Jennifer Connelly

And so it is done.

"Paulifer" (Jennifer Connelly + Husband Paul Bettany) have closed on the sale of their gorge 5,200sf Brook-mansion at 17 Prospect Park West for $8,450,000, and are now off to the wilds of Tribeca.

Le sigh (hey, CURBED: "maudlin local blog post on how tragic it is to formally lose such famous and meaningful Slopian" right HERE. Boo ya!).

While we always hate to see our neighborhood's precarious and dicey rep dragged through the mud by the departure of a celeb who obviously helped us to define ourselves as way cooler than we actually are, let us also be the first to welcome to the new, rich ass, house party throwin (?), mystery fam of 17 PPW: Welcome, richies!

(Brownstoner via Curbed)