"It's Time To Stop Being Polite, And To Start Getting REAL"

In case you're one of those weird people who live down in the subway tunnels and don't have access to inane pop culture news (or a proper Tivo/Flatscreen set-up), you should know that MTV's 21st season of the Real World (debuting Jan. 9th) is going down in BK.

We don't know much about these seven eight strangers picked to live in a loft shanty on the Hudson River in Red Hook, but, though I can't say fer sure, I'm guessing I'm gonna hate the shit outta all of em'.

Pretty please watch the vid above so that we can hate 2 gether.

Jared Wieselman from the Daily News thinks these mofos are "all kinda awesome." Here's what I think:

*Devyn - "The Real World is drama and I don't like drama." I will bet you 700 billion dollarz that this bitch throws down more dramz than ANYONE else in the house....including the Tranny.

*Sarah - "There is no way I'm gonna get along with any of the girls in this house." She will cry. A lot.

*Ryan - "What girlfriend wants her boyfriend to go on the Real World." Code Red: Annoying fucking GF alert.

*Katelynn - This is the tranny...and "she" is the only one I'm keeping in the "potentially interesting" category for now.

*J.D. - "As soon as I stepped into the gates, I knew that people were gonna be different...that people were gonna have stories to tell." I don't even know what to say to that.

*Chet - "I don't drink, I don't smoke, I don't have sex..." By the end of the season he will have either have: A. Supaman'd dat ho; B. Be on next season's coming attractions for Celebrity Rehab; C. Come out of the closet

*Scott - "First words said to me were 'wow, there's a better looking guy in the house than me.'" Not sure who the fuck said that to him, but J.D, Chet, Katelynn, shit...even the Daily News dude is better looking than this guy, so crack rocks have obvs been smoked.

*Baya - "I need people to relate to." Translation: I have no self worth, so I fuck people to make myself feel wanted and to fill the gaping hole where my self-esteem once was.

Ok, these are just early predictions, peeple, so I reserve the right to see what goes down come Jan. Needless to say, I'm not picking up the "awesome" vibe that the Daily News was frontin' with.

Further reading about the crazy eights:
Finally Someone Gets Inside the Real World: Brooklyn Fortress (Jossip)
Real World: Brooklyn House: Headache-y (Daily Intel)
Meet the Real World Brooklynites (Gothamist)
Real World: Brooklyn; Meet the Roommates and tour their digs (Urbanite)
The Real World Blogger Drama (Buzzfeed)
Real World Brooklyn People Say Red Hook Kinda Sucks (Curbed)
Real World: Brooklyn Kids Don't Plan on Leaving NY Ever (Gawker)
A Peek Behind the STD Soaked Curtains (Free Williamsburg)
Unreal world! Our critic gets a peek at MTV's Brooklyn reality TV Show (Brooklyn Paper)
Real World: Brooklyn Cast Hopes NYC Won't Hate Them (ed note: HAAA!) (Newsday)
The Real World: Brooklyn Trailer (MTV Reality World)

Bill Murray Is Our New BFF

Dear Bill Murray,

It has come to our attention that you have recently been hitting up some random house part-ay's in Billyburg and maybe even playing peek-a-boo with some unsuspecting strangers in Union Square, all in an effort, I presume, to amuse your poor, rich, self.

Rad.

I'm not rich...or famous...and I get bored with shit a lot, so I *totally* applaud your efforts to mix-it up a bit and have some fun with your celebrity status.

Only here's the thing, Bill (canIcalluBill? OK, cuil): If you want to start exposing yourself to the real dark underbelly of the NYC party scene, you've gotta get your shit as far away from Williamsburg as possible. I mean, aren't you too old for all that hipster BS?

I guess if U wanna start smokin crystal meth...or learn how to DJ...or join a sketch comedy troupe, WBurg might be the place for you.

But the flipside (isn't there *always* a flipside, Bill?) to hanging out with these young, self-important hiptards is that you're always gonna be judged. I mean, that dude who told you he thought you were "making some bad life choices!?" Fuck that cocksucker!

Come to Park Slope, Bill.

We have house parties too! AND all sorts of other celebrations like kids birthdays, puppet shows, Bris's, bake sales, and Lovocore backyard B-B-Q's. You could seriously keep ur ass busy e-v-e-r-y day of the week.

Shit, if you are super bored, join the Park Slope Food Coop and work a couple of shifts. Adrian Grenier did it and that dude gets more ass than he knows what to do with.

It's cool cause you'll still be in Brooklyn, so you've got that hip factor you're obvs on a constant quest for, but no judgment whatsoever! You see, there's just way less judgment here in Park Slope. For realz. It's almost like you're in a "judge free zone"...or "Lost in Translation" (lulz). Don't hate the playa, hate the game, yo.

Anyway.

Hope to see you this weekend (judgment free) in da Slope.

xo,
me

'Brooklyn Go Hard': Introducing Our (V. Obvs) Choice For BK's Official New F.I.P.S. Endorsed Anthem

Kanye West produced this kick ass Jay-Z track (featuring Santogold) for Biggie's soon-to-be-released biopic (and my soon-to-be obsession) Notorious.

A. I can't stop listening to it.
B. How fucking cool is this vid? (sidenote: This is the first rap video with open source code).
B. As much as I love the Beastie Boys, I'm totally psyched to have a song that can *finally* (maybe?) kick "No Sleep Till Brooklyn's" ass.

You likey?

I *Know* Notorious B.I.G is Dead...and Probs Wasn't Very Funny. But I Follow Him on Twitter Anyway, and U Really Should Too

Le sigh.

I know I raved about Shaquille O'Neil and his mad ass twittering the other day, but I've officially got myself a new twit-session (twitter + obsession), and its everyone's fave BK son, dead rapper Notorious B.I.G.

I can't fucking get enough.

Yes I realize its totally bizarre that I've taken to peering into the world of (and interacting with!) a fake dead rap superstar, but I don't know...I sorta can't stop myself (for srs).

I mean, how in the Christ am I supposed to resist shit like this:

or my personal fave:

I mean, come AWN! I have zero clue what it actually means to "fuck up a snitch," (like a snitch as in someone who calls the po po on you?) but damn if I don't want to try it now cuz Biggie's doin it.

The dude even watches the fucking HILLS (!!)

And the Shiba Inu puppy-cam!
Oh, and he gets political too:
I mean, as far as fake personas go, you have to admit that the dude is pretty badass: witty, endearing, and predictable (yes), but with a "fuck you" tude that gets me every time.

Do you twitter?

If so, you must join this fucking party stat (and while you're at it follow F.I.P.S here).

Brooklyn Beckham Will Kick Bronx Mowgli's Ass

So, obvs everyone who's anyone is talking about Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz's new bebe Bronx (Bronx MOWGLI WENTZ, ICYDK).

I, however, say Fuck Bronx. The dude is less than a week old and I already know that I don't like him. Like not even a little bit.

Bronx = l00zer.

In fact, I'd like to take this opp to flip the script entirely and instead give a shoutout to a WAY cooler/more interesting/inevitably hotter/potentially (though no promises) less annoying celeb-u-tot: BROOKLYN BECKHAM.

That's right. BROOKLYN IN DA HOUSE, BITCHES!!!!!!!!!

Brooklyn Beckham is where its at. He's the dude you should be peeping.

Here's what you should know about David Beckham's mini-me, BK's own original son:

*He was named Brooklyn because he was conceived in this fine ass borough.
*He will DEFINITELY be v. hot.
*He digs break dancing and basketball.
*He could kick Bronx Mowgli's ass.
*Oh, and he wrote a Secret Diary.