Bored To Death, That Stolen Sugar Dog, and Why I Heart Jonathan Ames

Okay, I lurve him. I want to sip tea and play like dogs in the surf with him. He's really not my type and I AM married but I am hawt for Jonathan Ames. His mind, anyway.

I must confess that I'm too cheap to shell out for HBO and cannot wrest the clicker away from my beasts long enough to watch anything anyway, thus have never actually watched Bored To Death. So I had to hear it from Sugar's mom during off leash hours at Prospect Park (who had heard it from HER friend), that the whole plot of last week's episode evidently revolved around one of our very own stranger than fiction posts. 

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THE VILLAGE VOICE HATES PARK SLOPE, LOVES NEW YORK CITY

The Village Voice recently ran a blog post detailing the 50 best reasons to love living in New York City, which is the sort of article that tends to crop up over and over again.  Like, there's nothing new here, people.  Yeah, we've got live theatre and 450,000 bars.  We all know.  But despite the repetition, we still all read them because, hey, after spending approximately $12 million dollars to live in a studio apartment the size of a handicapped bathroom stall, we need a reminder every now and then of why the fuck we choose to live in this place.

But let's check out #25, shall we?

25. Except in select 'hoods like Park Slope and perhaps the Upper West Side, children are viewed as mysterious beings, rarely sighted and only occasionally understood, like pixies or magical small butlers. Until they scream, in which case, they are banished from the palace.

I mean, I guess it's true, but why you gotta call us out on this crap?  It's like The L magazine all over again.

50 Best Blocks: Why Does The L Magazine Hate Park Slope?

Okay, leaving aside the fact that I only realized that L was for "local" about a month ago, why do they hate us?

Out of 50 special blocks in the BK, we got only two mentions...

18. Best Block For Iconic Brownstones 
Garfield between Seventh and Eighth Avenues, Park Slope 
Yeah, there's a dozen of these that could work, but only one with a fully pink brownstone... Oh yeah.

19. Best Block For Ugly Condos 
Fourth Ave between 4th and 5th Streets, Park Slope 
This one was really tough, but seriously, the Novo (which takes up the whole block) is ugly enough on its own, but the other side of the street is even worse: storage, auto mechanic, cheap condo-style Hotel Bleu... It looks like a service road south of Cancun.

I'm affronted. Outraged. Hurt. Entitled as only a true blue Sloper can be.

Why didn't we at least get most guilt-inducing block? A: 7th Ave between President and Union, where squatters from the "can you spare a moment for the poor starving ______ this morning" crowd have taken up permanent occupation.

Best block for strollers? Best block for trick-or-treating? Best block for local politico sightings? Best block for dog shit?

Come on people, help me out. I'm still recovering from voting for Cuomo yesterday. What other best block shout-outs should we have gotten?

[ed note: there were only two mentions of Park Slope because there were about a million billion mentions of Williamsburg, and then like 100,00 mentions of Greenpoint. Perhaps someone's still a leetle jelly jel that Park Slope is THE BEST PLACE TO LIVE IN ALL OF NYC??].

iPhone Sketch'd In Park Slope

Park Slope rez Eric Molinsky does these kickass iPhone subway sketches, and was featured in the NYT last weekend. Cool!

If you see any sketches of a scowling bitch holding an iPad standing on the Q train (CAUSE YOU NEVER EVER EVER get a motherfuckin seat on the Q), its probs me.

FREE PBRS AT GUVNOR'S

Nothing makes my heart skip a beat quite like the words "free booze."

Come and help me nurse my burgeoning alcohol problem at Guvnor's TONIGHT at 7:30PM, where they will be handing out free PBR's left and right, Daddy Long Legs will be performing, and Eric Davidson from the New Bomb Turks will be reading from his new book.  

Guvnor's: 178 Fifth Avenue (between Sackett & Degraw Streets), 718-230-GUVS(4887)