A FiPS Guide To Thanksgiving Recipes!

Do you not suck at cooking? Are you still searching the Internets for something tasty to cook for Thanksgiving this year? Something that's not ketchup-drizzled hot dogs, diced and dropped into a bowl of Kraft mac and cheese? Look no further. We here at FiPS have pooled together our favorite turkey day recipes . There are dishes for everyone -- from vegetarians to sugar fiends, boozers and  those who can appreciate a pretty ass pie. Ennnnnjoy! Gobble.

BACON BRUSSEL SPROUTS (From Bitchy Mom)

INGREDIENTS:

• A bushell of Brussel sprouts
• A thing of bacon
• Balsamic vinegar
• Salt, to taste

DIRECTIONS:

1. Fry up an entire thing of bacon –– crispy!

2. Put aside, crumble.

3. Halve Brussel sprouts, cook in bacon fat (medium-high heat), cut side down until caramelized and brown and delicious looking. Don't stir! Let caramelize.

4. Add back in bacon, stir it all together.

5. Turn heat way down, add splash or two of balsamic vinegar, allow to reduce and mingle.

6. Serve warm and bask in the bacony glory.

I learned to make this dish because it seemed obvious that bacon would make Brussel sprouts way better. If you think you don't love this yummy sprout, you are wrong. Try this dish and find out why! 

SOUTHERN CIDER (From Chinae)

Since I don't really like to cook, here's my favorite holiday cocktail recipe that I've created over the years. I serve this without fail at every Fall gathering of my urban tribe!

INGREDIENTS:

• 1 Part Bourbon (can be substituted with Pomegranate vodka, sounds gross but it's killer)
• 1 Parts Apple Cider
• 1 Part Club Soda
• Cinnamon + Sugar  (Garnish)

DIRECTIONS:

Mix all ingredients over ice and serve in a cinnamon-sugar rimmed class (preferably of the mason variety).

THE PRETTIEST APPLE PIE (From Thomas) 

INGREDIENTS: 

• 5 Granny Smith Apples, peeled, cored and sliced very thinly with a mandoline
• 1 tablespoon lemon juice
• 1/4 cup packed light brown sugar
• 1 1/2 teaspoons ground cinnamon
• 1/2 teaspoon freshly grated nutmeg (buy the nuts and a microplane grater, already!)
• 1/4 teaspoon of salt 
• 2 tablespoons butter
• 1/4 cup of apricot, peach or pineapple preserves 

DIRECTIONS:

1. Pre-heat the oven to 425, and roll out your crust, place in a pie plate, prick all over with a fork and then put down a piece of parchment paper, line the crust with it, and fill the crust with beans or pie weights.  bake it at 425 for about 20 minutes, then remove the pie weights, bake for another five minutes, and then take it out to cool.

2. While the crust is pre-baking, combine the sliced apples, the lemon juice, both sugars, the nutmeg, the cinnamon and the salt in a bowl.  Stir it up to combine the ingredients, then put it in a colander to drain over a bowl--you're collecting the juices, so don't do this over the sink.  This is called "macerating" your apples, and it's not as dirty as it sounds.  You're going to let the juices drain into a bowl for about 30 minutes.  A little tip on the macerating...in order to get all the juices into the bowl, consider making a well, clearing a pathway to a couple of holes in the very bottom of the colander.  If you've got a couple of flat slices of apple blocking all of the holes in the bottom of your colander, it's going to impede the flow of the juice into the bowl...and you need those juices!

3. After you've got a fair amount of juice in the bowl, start arranging the slices of apples around the perimeter of the pie shell.  Put the first one up against the outer wall of the shell, and then overlap them by about 1/2, all the way around, with the round edges of the slice toward the top.  When you get all the way around, keep going, and spiral your way into the center of the pie.  You might want to use the thicker and less flexible slices around the outside, and save some of the thinner and more bendy ones for the middle.   After you've done a few layers, push the slices toward the outside of the pie, so that they stand up nicely.  When you're done, look at the pie from above and see if there are any gaps, and shove little apple slices in there to fill in the space.

4. Once you've gotten your pie assembled, take the juices that you've accumulated at the bottom of the bowl and boil that, in a saucepan with two tablespoons of butter.  Keep boiling it until it reduces to about 1/3 cup.  When you've got it nice and syrupy, pour the hot syrup over the pie, evenly coating all of it.

5. Then, if you want to make your pie look really pretty, cut little leaves out of scrap dough (there are excellent cookie cutter thingies to use for this).  Use a beaten egg as glue--brush it on the underside of the leaf, and adhere it to the rim of your pie, all the way around.  If you want the leaves to turn dark and glossy, you can use the beaten egg to brush over the tops of the leaves, too. 

6. When you're done, put the whole thing in the oven for about 40-45 minutes, until the crust is nicely browned and you can see little syrup bubbles in between the petals of your flower.

7. When your pie's out of the oven, take the 1/4 cup of preserves and put it in the microwave so that it melts down.   Brush that over the top of your cooling pie, as a kind of a glaze.

CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES (FROM ERICA) 

Take the Nestle Toll House Recipe from back of the package, and instead of using butter, use those Crisco sticks. Ok, look: I know that this sounds positively disgusting. And I cannot, in fact, guarantee that you won't have a heart attack from eating these bitches, but also I'm telling you: these things are magic, in a unicorn's backpack, with Leprauchan dust sprinkled on top. They are VERY FUCKING GOOD. 

INGREDIENTS:

• 2 1/4 cups all-purpose flour
• 1 teaspoon baking soda
• 1 teaspoon salt
• 1 cup butter or margarine, softened CRISCO!
• 3/4 cup granulated sugar
• 3/4 cup packed brown sugar
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
• 2 large egg
• 1 (12 ounce) package NESTLE® TOLL HOUSE® Semi-Sweet Chocolate Morsels
• 1 cup chopped nuts

DIRECTIONS:

1. PREHEAT oven to 375 degrees F.
2. COMBINE flour, baking soda and salt in small bowl. Beat butter Crisco, granulated sugar, brown sugar and vanilla extract in large mixer bowl until creamy. Add eggs one at a time, beating well after each addition. Gradually beat in flour mixture. Stir in morsels and nuts. Drop by rounded tablespoon onto ungreased baking sheets.
3. BAKE for 9 to 11 minutes or until golden brown. Cool on baking sheets for 2 minutes; remove to wire racks to cool completely.

STUFFING (FROM AMANDA)

I totally jacked this recipe from Rachael Ray; but I modified it to make it a little more simple.  My dad used to make homemade stuffing, but my brother and I were little d-bags and told him that his stuffing was "gross" and that we preferred Stovetop.  Then, I saw this recipe a few years ago and wanted to try it out.  It was a big hit, but my father will still not get over how somehow MY homemade stuffing is delicious, while HIS homemade stuffing was worse than Stovetop.   

INGREDIENTS:

• One and a half 1-pound loaves white bread, cut into cubes
• 1 1/2 bunches celery with leaves, coarsely chopped
• 3 sticks (12 ounces) salted butter
• 1 1/2 onions, chopped
• One 10-ounce package sliced white mushrooms
• 2 large eggs, beaten with 2 tablespoons water

DIRECTIONS: 

1. Preheat the oven to 250°. Scatter the bread cubes on a baking sheet and bake, tossing occasionally, until dried but not browned, about 40 minutes. Let cool. Increase the oven temperature to 350°.

2. Chop the celery and onions; slice mushrooms and set aside.

3. In a large, deep skillet, melt the butter over medium-high heat. Add the onions and cook until translucent, about 10 minutes. Mix in the celery and mushrooms and cook over high heat, stirring frequently, for 10 minutes. Add kosher salt, cracked black pepper, and garlic salt for seasoning.

4. In a large bowl, toss the bread cubes with the beaten egg mixture. Add the vegetable mixture and toss until well combined.

5. Spoon the stuffing into casserole dishes and bake, uncovered, for 40 minutes.

PUMPKIN BREAD (FROM MEREDITH)

This is my grandmother's 70+-year-old pumpkin bread recipe. It's legitimately the only thing I've ever made that NO ONE has disliked. If I could subsist off of this, I would.

INGREDIENTS:

• 1 cup corn oil
• 4 eggs, beaten
• 2/3 cup water
• 2 cups canned pumpkin flesh
• 3 1/3 cups sifted flour
• 1 1/2 teaspoons salt
• 1 teaspoon nutmeg
• 1 teaspoon cinnamon
• 2 teaspoons baking soda
• 2 cups sugar
• 1 cup raisins
• 1 cup nuts, chopped

DIRECTIONS:

1. Grease and flour two long loaf pans or three 8x5x3 pans.

 2. Mix oil, eggs,water and pumpkin.  Add flour, salt, nutmeg, cinnamon, baking soda and sugar.  To the combined mixture, add raisins and nuts.

3. Bake for 1 hour at 350/  Bread is done when a cake tester inserted in the middle comes out clean.

SPICED SWEET POTATO WHOOPIE PIES (FROM KERRI)

I stole this one from my favorite Internet Meme, Ms. Paula Deen! 

INGREDIENTS:

• 2 1/4 cups all-purpose flour
• 2 teaspoons baking powder
• 1/2 teaspoon baking soda
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 2 teaspoons ground cinnamon
• 1 1/2 teaspoons ground ginger
• 1 teaspoon ground allspice
• 1 teaspoon ground nutmeg
• 7 tablespoons unsalted butter, softened
• 1 cup packed light brown sugar
• 1 cup mashed sweet potato
• 2 large eggs
• 1/2 cup buttermilk
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
• Salted Peanut Cream Filling (recipe follows)
• 4 ounces package cream cheese, softened
• 2 tablespoons unsalted butter, softened
• 2 cups confectioners’ sugar
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
• 1/2 cup salted cocktail peanuts

DIRECTIONS:

1. Position oven rack in center of oven.  Preheat oven to 375 degrees F. Line 2 baking sheets with parchment paper and set aside.

2. Sift together flour, baking powder, soda, salt, cinnamon, ginger, allspice, and nutmeg onto a sheet of waxed paper. 

3. Beat butter and brown sugar in a large mixing bowl at medium speed of an electric mixer until fluffy, scraping bowl as necessary.  Add sweet potato, then eggs, beating until blended after each addition. Add half of flour mixture and half of buttermilk to creamed mixture; beat at medium speed just until blended.  Add remaining half of flour and buttermilk and vanilla; beat until blended.

4. Using an ice cream scoop, drop batter into 18 mounds onto the prepared baking sheets, spacing them 2 inches apart. Or drop batter into 32 mounds by well-rounded tablespoons onto the prepared baking sheets. Bake, one baking sheet at a time, until cakes begin to crack and are firm to the touch, about 15 minutes.  Remove from oven and slide the parchment paper, with the cakes, onto a wire rack to cool completely.  Use a thin metal spatula to lift the cookies off the parchment paper.

5. Spread flat side of half of the cakes generously with Salted Peanut Cream Filling.  Top with the remaining cakes, pressing down lightly to seal them together.

Salted Peanut Cream Filling

6. Beat cream cheese and butter in a large mixing bowl at medium-high speed of an electric mixer until fluffy, scraping sides of bowl as necessary.  Beat in confectioners’ and vanilla until smooth.

7. Pulse peanuts in a food processor until finely ground and they resemble dry breadcrumbs. Fold peanuts into cream mixture.  Makes 1 1/2 cups.

 

VEGETARIAN SHEPHERD'S PIE (FROM NINEDAVES)

As a vegetarian, Thanksgiving can totally suck. Sure, there are plenty of sides to choose from (cranberry sauce, sweet potatoes, etc). But when it comes to that main-dish, we’re pretty much stuck with Tofurky – which try as I may, I’ve never been able to get behind. So a few years ago, I made the choice to ditch the Tofurky and go with a kick-ass dish that makes my carnivorous family hella jealous: Vegetarian Shepherd’s Pie! I snatched the recipe from a close friend, so I can’t take credit for coming up with the idea. But it’s really easy!

INGREDIENTS:

Mashed Potatoes

• 1 1/2 lbs potatoes of your choice (I prefer Yukon Gold, but you could do anything, including sweet potatoes), peeled and quartered length-wise
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 4 Tbsp heavy cream (I’ve made this vegan before by substituting vegan mayonnaise)
• 2 Tbsp butter (I’ve made this vegan before by substituting vegan mayonnaise)
• 1 Tbsp milk (I’ve made this vegan before by substituting soymilk)

Gravy 

• 4 tablespoons butter (I’ve made this vegan before by substituting vegan mayonnaise)
• 3 tablespoons flour
• 1 clove minced garlic
• Handful of chopped onion
• 4 tablespoons of gravy master
• 3/4 cup vegetable broth
• Salt and pepper

The rest of the stuff 

• 1 bag of fake meat (Crumbles, Stea’k Strips, or Setain, depending on your preference)
• 1/2 bag of frozen peas
• 1 large carrot, peeled and chopped
• 1 onion, chopped
• Seasonings of your choice (I usually throw parsley and some paprika in there)
• Frozen Pie Crust or Puff Pastry (optional)

DIRECTIONS:

1. Start by making your mashed potatoes. Boil potatoes in salted water until tender. Drain and pour into a bowl. Warm cream and melt butter in the microwave and then combine with the potatoes. Mash the hell out of them. Add milk to get them nice and smooth. Season with S&P and garlic powder and whatever else you need.

2. While your potatoes are going, start cooking your fake meat. Every bag and brand is different, so just follow the directions you see on the bag. (I prefer MorningStar Farms Meal Starters Grillers Recipe Crumbles, if you’re curious). Once your fake meat is halfway there, add chopped carrots and onions. Cook veggies with the fake meat for like 5 minutes or so. 

3. Now if you haven’t totally burned down your place yet, you’ll want to get started on your gravy. This is where having a partner helps, but since I’m perpetually single, I usually fuck this part up the most. In a saucepan, add the butter, garlic and onion. Melt butter and cook until onions are golden. Stir in the flour and whisk until it makes a paste. Cook for a few minutes until smooth. Slowly combine vegetable broth and gravy master, a few splashes at a time, stirring as you add it. Stir and cook until gravy is thickened. This whole thing takes at least 5 minutes, so you may want to start with that before you do anything else.

4. Okay – now comes the fun part. Add the gravy to the fake meat and vegetables and stir in the peas. Sometimes I nuke the peas a bit first, just ‘cause I’m lazy. Then throw in your seasonings. When everything is tasting pretty not bad, take that shit off the stove. I like to keep things a bit al dente, because it still has to go in the oven.

5. Here’s where you can be creative. I sometime use a Frozen Pie Crust or Puff Pastry, just to make it a little more special. For a party, my friend and I once did individual Shepherd’s Pot Pies in deep cupcake molds. It was killer. But if you want to skip all that, just layer the fake meat and veggies with the mashed potatoes on top in a casserole dish. If you’re using a crust, cook as long and as hot as the crust takes. Without, cook 30-35 minutes at 350. Once it’s done, eat the shit out of it, exclaiming “can you believe this is all vegetarian?” as many times as possible. Throw in a few “how’s your murder taste?” for good measures. Just make sure everyone knows how much better you are than them.* Isn’t that what Thanksgiving’s for?

*I’m totally kidding – do not do this unless you want everyone to hate you.