PARKING SLOPE [Having a Car Fucking Sucks]

That beige car is fucked in Park Slope in 3, 2...

Like many of you, I don't own a car.  In fact, I think the happiest day of my father's life in recent memory was when I moved to Brooklyn and he got to sell my car.  So, while I've heard plenty about the hell on earth that's parking in the Slope, I'd never experienced it firsthand.  Until this week.

I took the last several days to schlep my ass ten blocks north and move (related: my new apartment rules your face), which involved a shit ton of back and forth car rides facilitated by my awesome-as-fuck mother.  Friday morning at about 10:15, we pulled up to my building with car load #59886, looking to find a spot on a Friday 9:30-10:30 alternate side parking-ruled street.

Of course, the we-pretend-we're-not-double-parked thing was going on 'cause we're the Slope and that's what we DO, but because we were only 15 minutes from spaces opening back up, there were plenty of cars parked on the no-no side with people sitting inside drumming their fingers, waiting for 10:30 to roll around.  We followed suit; what a colossally infuriating waste of fucking time.

But what's more was when the clock hit 10:24, and a parking cop showed up and ticketed everyone who'd gone inside a few minutes early.  And then, as soon as we left the car at 10:31--not a moment sooner, because we were WAY too scared--the cop walked back up and slapped three tickets on cars on the other side of the street that had now been double parked for one minute.

Jesus Christ, guys.  How many of you actually keep cars, and at what level of clinical insanity do you have to be to go through this routine weekly?  And if you're not a SAHM, how the good holy hell does one do it without driving to like East New York to find a spot?