Our App For The "No Cussing" Club Was Fucking Rejected

Dear No Cussing Club,

I suppose its no surprise that our motherfucking, titty sucking application to join up with you snatch hats was summarily rejected.

As we explained in our app, we here at FIPS have been rethinking the direction our blog should be taking. After reading the comments of the always on point Burkelee Carroll, and receiving the following email, we just didn't know what the fuck to do:

I like your website but am kinda *meh* on the excessive fucks. It's like Andrew Dice Clay making up for his lack of cleverness by saying "pussy" a lot. I recognize the website is called "Fucked in Park Slope," but geez. Even Sirius-era Howard Stern knows it's more fun to curse once an hour than once a minute.

Ouch. That Andrew Dice Clay reference cut deep (espesh after watching him on Sunday night on Celebrity Apprentice).

Maybe it's time to make a change, after all??

So we talked it over, and decided that since this was "No Cussing Week," it might be the perfect time to reinvent ourselves. We could post organic recipes; devote our next FIPS Cares column to filling out our drum circle; and adopt that cute little Asian baby we've been eyeing on ethnicfamiliezRcool.com! I could renew my subscription to the Utne Reader! We'd be a "born again" blog!

Only, this whole bullshit gameplan was riding on your shoulders. Our membership in the No Cussing Club was gonna be THE cornerstone of our efforts to be Christian born again. So the fact that you basically just told us to go fuck a monkey up the ass changes e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g.

"Dear FIPS: with regret, your application for the No Cussing Club is not approved at this time."

Fuck. That. Noise.

You don't want us? Fine. We don't want you either. In fact, we never really wanted you in the first place...CAUSE WE THINK YOU'RE ALL COCKSUCKERS.

In fact, we found this v. deep poem by Smiles P. that best expresses our feelings about this entire shituation, and we are reprinting it here now with Smiles' permission:

"FUCK THIS SHIT!!!!!!!!!"

Look over here, what do you see?
Soo many negative words
Why you hatin on me
Call me what you want

Your only hatin cuz you cant stop me
I dont give a fuck about what you want
I'll do whatever pleases me

If you dont like it then you can kiss my ass
And if you think im here for anyones approval, i'll pass
I'll do what i do in school...
Like walking through the halls, without a hall-pass
And doing it during class

Dont try to judge me, and call me fuckin names...
Your all pointing and acting like im insane
We'll you can all go to hell an d be put through soo much pain...

The pain you give me when you act like im not the same, as the others...
Everyone Sins, your fathers, you mothers, and your grandmonthers...
Dont act like you Perfect....

...............MAN FUCK THIS POEM, I DONT GIVVA FUCK ABOUT RYMING ANYMORE
IM JUST GONNA TYPE W/E THE FUCK IM THINKING

I FUCKIN HATE WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME DUMBASS QUESTIONS, WHEN THEY ALREADY KNOW THE ANSWERS TO THEM, I HATE WHEN PEOPLE GET SMART OVER A QUESTION THAT IS PRETTY SIMPLE TO ANSWER, AND THEN THEY WANNA SAY YOU ALREADY KNOW THE ANSWER, IF I SEE YOU WITH CD'S AND HEADPHONES, ITS NATURAL TO ASUME THAT YOU HAVE SOME CD PLAYER OR SOMETHING TO LISTEN TO THE MUSIC WITH.......................................................MAN I JUST WISH EVERYONE WOULD JUST DIE, BECUZ THEY MAKE ME SICK TO MY STUMACH WITH THERE NON-STOPING BULL SHIT...........I DONT EVER WANT TO BE BOTHERED WITH ANYTHING OR ANYONE, PEOPLE MAKE ME SICK, I JUST CANT STAND THEM, SO FUCK THIS POEM WRITING SHIT. HOW DEY GONE TEEL ME WHEN I KNOW WHAT IM TALKIN BOUT, ONE DAY IM GONNA BLOW THOSE MOTHERFUCKERS TO SMITHERINES.

[We couldn't have said it any better].

Anyway, we think "No Cussing Week" should go suck a dick.  And we're not reinventing ourselves.  And think Burkelee Carroll is a douchetard.

xo,

FIPS

Comments

[Danny]

You should've posted a video response where you're spinning around in a circle just saying the word fuck as much as possible till you got dizzy. Also just end every post with Burkelee Carroll is a douchetard. It'll be like your "Cartago Delenda Est".

[Arock]

Fuck 'em, those fucking fucks! Queers!

[Harris]

Thanks for addressing my comment. Let me put this another way - when you guys drop a "fuck" every third word, you sound like a a fifteen year old kid from Long Island trying to imitate VICE on his MySpace blog.

But I love you, FIPS. Let's hug it out over some vegan cookies and Bob Marley at Tea Lounge.

[haikusue]

I am laughing so fucking hard reading this, and the additional comments that I can barely fucking type.