Nets 2013-2014: We're Totally Kidding

HELLO BROOKLYN 2.0...AMIRITE? Y'know what’s cool about the just-finished first Brooklyn Nets season, in retrospect? Please allow me to tell you with eloquent words...

Almost a decade removed from Jason Kidd leading the NJ Nets to the Finals two years in a row (01'-02' & 02'-03'), the Nets franchise was seriously aching for a reboot. They sucked for a looooong ass time. Regardless of how much success they had, the seven-foot shadows of Sam Bowie & Chris Dudley & Keith Van Horn kept blocking out the achievements of Kenny Anderson & Mookie Blaylock & Jason Kidd.

Then came the 2012-2013 season. BROOKLYN 1.0. New arena. New uniforms. Lots of new players. New attitude. Fairly new owners. D-Will at the point. Jay-Z as the face. EARLY PANIC. Head coach Avery Johnson is fired. PJ Carlesimo steps in as coach. BROOKLYN 1.5! Kris Humphries tries not to fuck too many lame celebrities. Overall, the season goes OK enough for a while & the Nets end up with the 4th best record in the Eastern Conference. Then they get bounced by Chicago in the first round of the playoffs. PJ & his beard are shaved, just weeks after Jay-Z left the Nets franchise to become the hip-hoppiest sports agent EVA (other than Scott Boras). I hope HOVA's short investment turned out OK!

BROOKLYN 2.0! Yesterday, our borough's basketball team made it official via press conference, naming the recently-retired, former Net Jason Kidd as their new head coach. That's right...they replaced a guy who got choked by Latrell Sprewell back in late 97' with a guy who allegedly choked his ex-wife around the same time frame. But Jason Kidd is MOSTLY a class act & a hell of a basketball player &...

...& we all change. We all make mistakes. We all move on. Amongst the bad things in life, we all also do GOOD things. Sometimes we stumble. Sometimes we get a DUI on Long Island but WE ALL PICK UP THE PIECES & MOVE ON. I mean, shit...it's not like Long Island has public transportation or Jason Kidd can afford drivers or anything.

So what will Jason Kidd as head coach mean for the Nets? Dude definitely has leadership qualities. He's won ONE championship as a player & led his teams to a few others. If you ignore John Stockton & Magic Johnson & Oscar Robertson & Isaiah & Bob Cousy & a bunch of other guys, he may just be the best point guard of all time. That has to count for something, right? Plus, most of last year's Nets squad will still be intact for the 2013-14 season. Unless they implode, they'll likely be as good as they were this year & make the playoffs. It'll probably be fun for a while. I mean, Kidd has a three-year contract. What could go wrong?

Maybe Jason Kidd's "heart" & "floor presence" will be infectious. Too bad the Miami Heat will still exist next year. Too bad the last time somebody went from player to coach with no prior coaching experience, Mike Dunleavy took a Lakers team led by Magic Johnson to the Finals...& lost. Too bad the Nets' Johnson is a Joe. I don't know...at least it will be interesting & that's really all we're going for here in Brooklyn, right?

SRSLY THO! GOOD LUCK, JK.

Read way more from Shawn at eatdrinksnack.com and eatdrinktaco.com.