[My Favorite Park Slope...]: Place To Drink After Getting Laid Off

Photo by Park Slope Lens

For over two years, I worked at a large ad agency located in the clusterfuck that is Midtown Manhattan. This past March I was laid off with a gaggle of other sorry-ass folks not good enough to cut it with the Draper, Sterling and Price's of the world. On the morning of my execution, I received a call from my boss that went like this:

Boss: Hi Kerri. Could you do me a favor?

Me: Sure thing.

Boss: Can you meet me upstairs in chat room 3H?

Me: Is that the one right by HR?

Boss: Yes.

Me: The one that you invite people to when firing them?

Boss: ...

Me: Is Mitch the HR guy with you right now?

Boss: ...

Me: I'll be right up. 

I made my way down the hall and to the elevators, careful not to drip my unwanted tears onto their expensive carpets. I found my boss sitting in the completely transparant glass room, a place where the townspeople can gather round outside to watch the execution at the gallows.

As he droned on with a typical break-up "It's not you, it's me" speech and requested the immediate forfeit of my company-issued Blackberry, all I could think was, WHERE AM I GOING TO DRINK TONIGHT?

The answer was High Dive. And here's why:

1. The Decor

The facade is painted the color of HATE RED. It's the color of your blood that will boil with rage upon learning that your severance package is not so much a "package" as it is a small jar of M&M's, all of which are custom printed with the word "SUCKER" (side note: on a good day, the red will remind you of love). Inside, the lights are just low enough to make any tear-induced, raccoon-eyed mascara bleeds look like well-placed smoky eye color. 

2. The Jukebox

You will find a great selection of music to help get through all the stages of grief in one night: we're talking tunage for rage, sadness, acceptance and that one, epic light-the-flame-under-your-ass song that tells you now's the time to chase your real dreams, 'cause you ain't gettin' any younger. "We gotta get out while were young," you'll scream at the top of your lungs. "'Cause tramps like us, baby we were born to runnnnnnn!"

3. The Bathroom Walls

You know what feels good? Locking yourself in a bathroom equipped with a giant chalkboard and some self-expression to get off your newly-unemployed chest. Through out the night occupy not one but BOTH of the bar's bathrooms. Pick up that chalk and scribble away to your heart's content. Tell the world that your former company sucks giant balls in a nice pastel pink. Announce your love for Josh in Accounting with a pale blue. Look in the bathroom mirror and loudly sing your survivor song. 

4. Free Popcorn

Not only does High Dive offer free baskets of popcorn, they have a series of complimentary toppings. Old Bay? Lawry's Seasoning Salt? Cayenne pepper? Sold. Stuff your face with so much buttery goodness that you can avert the cost of dinner on your first night without a job. Know that this popcorn will always be there for you. 

5. The Drink Board

Your still-very-much-employed friends can pre-pay the bartender for your future drinks. They put your name on a chalkboard by the bar alongside the amounts donated. Let your friends buy you these drinks. Don't get all Walter White, "I can pay my own way by starting a meth lab" pride-heavy about it. Let your pity party live on a little bit longer!

6. Outdoor Seating

Need a smoke to cool the rage? Light up, inhale and tell yourself that everything's going to be alright.