Holiday Gift FIPStravaganza: Day Two [Hippie Friends-n-Dorks]

This is our week-long dive head first into the trenches of holiday gift shopping, Park Slope style. Buy local, bitches! Unless, of course, you enjoy walking past empty storefronts every ten feet. In today's edition we cover douchey granola-eating friends and Lovable Dorks.

For your douchey granola-eating, Birkenstock-wearing hippie friend:

You know the type.  They stock their fridge with soymilk and tofu, leave socialist propaganda out on their coffee table, and lecture anyone who eats meat about the atrocities committed by the cattle industry. Of course, when they’re drunk, all of this goes out the window and they order a gigantic cheeseburger with bacon from the diner and then cry all day when they wake up and realize what they’ve done.  The best day of their life was the day they went to that Phish concert back before the band broke up and then got back together again--they will never stop talking about that shit until the day they die.  Here’s a list of crap that these tree huggers will just absolutely love:

Matter (227 5^th Ave. at the corner of President St.) sells an assortment of sick log bowls (see above) made by Doha Chebib of Loyal Loot.  They’re wooden, bark-laden bowls with brightly lacquered interiors—totally earthy and unique.  The bowls come in various sizes and prices range from about $60-$100 each. 

If your enviro-freak friend is a Coopretard also has a sense of humor, may we yet again suggest a Definitive Ink t-shirt. Shirts are $20 each and colors and phrasing vary—a black “Suspended at the Coop” shirt, a red “On Alert at the Coop” shirt—they’re all stitched with sarcasm at no extra charge. 

And because your friend loves to be “one with nature” even though they live in a city where the only “nature sounds” they hear is crazy old Mrs. Hernandez next door, screaming out the answers to Mexican gameshows on Telemundo, head to Lumiere (238 7^th Ave. between 4^th and 5^th Sts) and pick up a wooden Birdsong alarm clock for $45.95.  So instead of waking up to screaming in Spanish, they’ll wake up to the sweet sounds of fake birds coming out of an alarm clock shaped like a birdhouse.  They’ll be able to pretend that their lives are like a Disney movie, you know, the one where the Princess pays way too much rent and constantly gets cat-called by teenage hoodlums hanging out in front of the movie theatre?  Yeah, that one.

And if you’re looking to add a little something extra to your gift, head over to Chairman Gift & Home (162 7^th Ave. between 1^st St. and Garfield) where you will be confronted with a hippie’s paradise (wayyyyy different than a gangsta’s paradise, BTW) immediately when you walk in the door. Behold:

Hell yeah—look at all that douchey hippie incense!  With ten sticks for $3.99, this may be the cheapest gift you could possibly get, save for a single ride Metro Card (Woo hoo, one-way trip to Coney Island! See you never!). 

For the lovable nerd in your life (or your dorky kid brother):

Let me say this: I had every intention of putting the Brooklyn Superhero Supply Co. on here, but the shit they have in there kind of freaks me out.  

I know, I know, their tutoring program is great.  But you go in there expecting to find some dorky yet adorable stuff, and what you find instead is a bunch of stuff that looks more like its for serial rapists than that nerdy guy you know with all of the action figures on his desk.  Night vision goggles, suction cups used to climb up walls—thanks, but no thanks.

So what do you get for your friend who plans out every single minute of her day in her daytimer?  Your brother who still has a Shatner complex?  Listen up:

Head to Lion in the Sun (232 7^th Ave. at 4^th St), Park Slope’s premier paperie, and find yourself in moleskine heaven.  The self-appointed “legendary notebooks” used by Oscar Wilde, Ernest Hemingway, and Vincent Van Gogh, are very popular with writer-types because they’re just the right combination of portable and pretentious.  Lion in the Sun carries the standard pocket-sized moleskines, along with a plethora of planners.  A large weekly planner will run you $16.95, and a full-size monthly planner costs $20.95.  Give one to your plan-crazy friend and help her start 2010 off right.  She’ll be so excited that she’ll immediately ask you what you’re doing on January 25^th at 7pm.  Uh, hanging out with her, obvi!

Next, resist the urge to run across the street (give or take) to Barnes & Noble.  They don’t need your money.  THEY DON’T APPRECIATE YOU.  Instead, head on over to the Community Bookstore (143 7^th Ave. between Garfield and Carroll) where you can get free coffee, pet that big, lazy dog that’s always lying around, and support a worthy local business.  And even if you’re totally lazy, it don’t matter!  Call up Community Bookstore, place your order, and they will fucking hand deliver your books to your apartment (if you live within walking distance to the store).  Can you believe it?  How’s that for service?  Seriously, whenever I go in there I feel like I’m Belle in the opening scene of Beauty and the Beast where the kindly bookstore owner just gives her books because he’s so impressed that she can read (you know, because she’s a woman-n-all).

But really, you can’t go wrong with a book for your nerdy friend.  If you want to be SUPER Brooklyn-y, you can pick up the new Jonathan Safran Foer book.  What’s that?  You’re not sure whether your friend would prefer Eating Animals or Going Rogue?  Not to worry.  Community Bookstore sells gift cards.  Done and done.

And lastly, if your friend is a former (or current) trekkie, you can find a 12-inch tall William Shatner nutcracker (for realsies) for $39.95 at Chairman Gift & Home (162 7^th Ave. between 1^st St. and Garfield). 

May the force be with you.  Wait, that’s Star Wars, isn’t it? 

Eh, who cares.