FIPS CARES: Help a FIPS Writer Find a Place To Live

Wanted! A sublet. A room. Those Japanese sleeping drawers from Seinfeld. 

About me: I'm a quiet masturbator. Was born without a sense of smell. I've got a cute little joke I do about it. "I can't smell but I sure can stink." Then I cut a fart or whatever. Nothing too juicy though. Nobody has ever laughed at it. Maybe you'll be the first! I'm single, don't smoke and don't have pets. Although I do love dogs. I cook but make sure to clean my dishes. I'm a TV writer during the day and a FIPS writer at night. 

About you: Thought I didn't care about this until my last roommate. So now I have a couple of requests. He shaved his entire body every week and left it all over the bathroom. How does one person have that much body hair? I guess I'd ask you to not be a werewolf. Also, he was insanely broke. You need to be able to afford toilet paper and garbage bags. Finally, he made a mess on the toilet seat once. Think he was trying to sit on it backwards, AC Slater style. So. I guess you have to be properly toilet trained. 

The apartment: 5 floor walk ups are a deal breaker. I'm not a Sherpa. Willing to pay up to $1000 a month. I don't need a closet in my room or dishwasher. Simple bathroom. I'd love an outdoor space. I need a large bedroom. I have a queen size bed. So luxurious. And I keep a TV and uncomfortable chair in my room. 

Hey, I'm not a weird creep. I hope you aren't either. If we can be roommates, or know someone who likes s'mores, leave a comment or send an e-mail through FIPS.