DO NOT EVEN *THINK* ABOUT STEALING DEODORANT FROM RITE AID

video by @ninedaves

Public Service Announcement for all you shoplifters in Park Slope: feel free to steal anything you'd like from Rite- Aid on 7th Ave, EXCEPT deodorant. That's right: those $2 or $3 dollar sticks of deo are officially off-limits to all you Winona Ryder wannabees. 

Why, you might be wondering? 

Well, you see, the crack security team at Rite-Aid has installed a floor to ceiling plastic cage in the back of the store that currently houses all of the valuable Secret Clear Gels and Axe spray ons. Much like the expensive jewels that are kept underneath a thick glass counter at a jewelry store, apparently deodorant at Rite-Aid is considered the equivalent of a mediocre engagment ring at Zales.

Go ahead and hit "play" on the video above to see the process that all us law abiding citizens are required to go through in order to not stink.

DING DONG!

DING DONG!

WHO'S THERE?

YOUR DEODORANT!

Best of all, when I asked a helpful Rite-Aid employee what was going on back there, he had quite an interesting explanation: apparently there were bands of thieves who were hitting up the drugstore and just stealing dozens of deodorants off the shelves into their bags with one swoop. Then they were illegally reselling them to bodegas on the underground black deodorant market [I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD, HE SAID THIS].

When I pointed out that there were aisles and aisles in the store with waaay more expensive items than the deodorant, and that none of those items were under thick, alarmed plastic he said "Yeah...I know. But for some reason the thieves really liked the deodorant."

Right. Duh.