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Wednesday
Jun152011

BROOKLYN HERO WATCH: Man Kicked Off Flight for Saying 'Fuck'

You know what fucking sucked about 9/11? I mean besides 3000 dead, the dissolution of our civil liberties, and two wars killing a million people?

What sucked is that it put the airlines in this insanely abusable position of power; it put common American citizens like Flight Attendants on the front lines of Racial and Behavioral Profiling. On a WHIM, Ashley from Minnesota can make Orwellian determinations of who does and does not have the right to travel from state to state.

Fuck.

You better believe flight attendants and other newly-crowned princes of power are able to use that power however they want; even in retaliation against a customer that pisses them off -- and that's exactly what happened here.

Apparently Atlantic Southeast Airlines (some Delta connection carrier) Flight 5136 was delayed for a ridiculous amount of time the gate in Detroit while the customers shook their heads in un-shocked resolution. If our anecdotal experience is any indicator, it's safe to estimate that 50% of Atlantic Southeast Airlines personnel were moving slower than dirt, un-incentivized to hustle, make announcements, or perform any kind of customer service whatsoever.

Enter our Brooklyn hero, author Robert Sayegh: Just like you would do, he probably sat there agape, watching these dumbfuck DMV wannabes move at the speed of Corky from Life Goes On, incredulous that it could possibly be taking this long to close the FUCKING cabin doors now that they were finally on the plane.

So he did what *you* would do:

"How fucking long does it take to close the overhead compartments?"

Well? How fucking long DOES it take?

So predictably, this flight attendant, like a little brother whose older brother has been given a FINAL WARNING FROM MOM, that if he chews with his mouth open to gross everyone out ONE more time he's going to his room, and finally in 2 minutes, while the little brother STARES at him, monitoring him like he's in an FBI surveillance van, the older brother opens his mouth the TINIEST little bit because he bit his tongue, and the little brother starts screeching like a
psychopath:

MOM!!!! HE'S DOING IT!!!!

Just like that, the flight attendant says: MOM! MOM!! THIS CUSTOMER WAS BEING UNRULY. DISRUPTIVE. I DON'T FEEL SAFE AND I WON'T FLY UNTIL HE'S GONE.

Bull fucking shit. That's just how we do in Brooklyn. We call people out on shit. I mean, how fucking long DOES it take to close the overhead compartments?!

If I woulda been on that plane, I would have taken things one step further: "Hayl yeah I said FUCK nigga, that's  how we talk in Brooklyn! Now get your little manicured Midwestern hand out of your pockets, close the motherfucking overhead compartments, and get me back to JFK. Show a little accountability and a little pride in your work, and you won't NEED to receive the business-end of my tribal terms of expression."

Now Sayegh is maybe suing them? GOOD. I hope they settle out of court and Delta is forced to name a First Class airport lounge after him. The motherfucking Robert Sayegh Delta p-club lounge; Cursing is now permitted.

For more of Benjamin, follow @thebenword on twitter.

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