BREAKING: Park Slope Food Co-op to Recommend That Jewish Members Wear Yellow Star of David
Blognigger | Friday, February 20, 2009 at 12:53AM 
PARK SLOPE, Brooklyn (FIPSNN) - The trouble began in a local synagogue, of all places, where at a monthly general meeting, a Park Slope Coop member proposed a ban on Israeli foods. The gesture was one of protest, aimed at expressing the organization's contempt for the country's recent military campaign in Gaza. Here in Brooklyn, however, many Jews objected; that's when divisive lines were formed, and Coop members began to choose sides.
Now, in a move that is sure to ignite protest from Jewish advocacy groups citywide, the Coop board has voted to recommend that Jewish Members adorn Stars of David while shopping at the Coop. The Coop board insists that the move is one of compassion, and senior members of the organization met with FIPSNN to elaborate.
"First of all, I want to stress that this is a recommendation," explained Dr. Edith Rugjoy, the Coop's chief publicist, "It's in no way a requirement or mandatory, and I'm very wary of this suggestion being taken out of context.
"The fact is that most of our members are pretty upset about the Israel situation - they see Israel as a terrorist state, and they don't want to be supporting these Jews with their hard-earned dollars. They're sick over the recent developments, and it's understandable that they're pretty vocal about it."
Dr. Rugjoy reached for a sip of her Kumbucha tea, and then continued,
"So naturally, these members tend to discuss the issue with their friends while shopping here. It's completely reasonable - they have every right to speak their mind, and some of their comments can get pretty loud, pretty harsh, and pretty aggressive. They're venting, for chrissakes, which I think is something all of us can understand."
The yellow stars, Dr. Rugjoy argues, are merely a means of identifying Jewish members of the community for the purposes of making sure they get the respect and privacy they deserve.
"Despite our members harsh words about this issue, none of them would ever want to hurt anyone's feelings, least of all another member of the Coop community. This way, when they do see a yellow star, they know to curb the bitterness a bit until the Jew passes, or at least to keep their voices down."
But not all Coop Jews like the idea; FIPSNN observed one woman who had just finished shopping, tossing her yellow star back in the bin with disgust.
"I'm not wearing that fucking thing again," exclaimed the woman who identified herself only as Jennifer, "My shift coordinator asked me to work a double-shift, and the cashier spit at me."
A friend standing nearby pointed out that the spitting incident couldn't necessarily be attriuted to Jennifer's wearing of the Yellow Star.
"Well, she spit at me twice," admitted Jennifer, "once was because I was buying Hamburger meat, and yeah, that part is normal."
When asked whether the plan might have unintended consequences, Dr. Rugjoy again stressed the non-mandatory nature of the directive.
"We care about our members first and foremost," she said, "to whoever doesn't want to wear the star and wants to risk being offended by our understandably irate Muslim and Palestinian-supporting customers, we say, more power to them.
"Again, the star is there for their protection. Listen, it's not always clear who they are; not all of them come into the store wearing the big hats and the sideburns - It's no secret that in this post-racial society, it's getting harder and harder to recognize a Jew."
Asked whether those who chose not to wear the star might face scorn for not complying with the recommendation, Dr. Rugjoy denied that this would ever be the case.
"Absolutely not," she declared, "that would never happen in a million years. We are here for our members, and their freedom to choose is sacred in this community. Ask around - openness is what we value above all, and it works for us both ways: the last thing we want is for Coop management to be seen as a closed-minded bunch of nazis."
Ed note: Thanks to Brooklyn's own Blognigger for the Guest Post! You can read more edgy crap like this at his site, Blognigger.com
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Reader Comments (32)
Hey Zenith, consider this:
The reason you think this post "falls real short" is because you're already a self-righteous park slope food co-op zealot.
I can hear it in your tonw - "cooperator" ew- go strangle yourself with your neon vest you fairy
I'm one of the managers of the Park Slope Food Coop. Hate me, hate Park Slope, hate the coop but post my comment please:
No Boycott of Israeli Products
The Food Coop management would like to clarify and correct misinformation in the press about the possibility of a boycott on Israeli products. The Park Slope Food Coop is not boycotting Israeli products.
Not only has the Coop's membership not voted to boycott Israeli products, a boycott has not at this point even been submitted for discussion at our monthly General Meeting -- the place where these types of decisions are made. This issue is not on the agenda and will not be discussed at the February 24 GM. The Coop is a democratically governed organization of close to 15,000 members. Any one of those members can submit an item for discussion at our monthly General Meeting.
Sorry for the complete lack of sarcasm.
Hey Alan!
I was going to wait untill my shift to tell you this, but as long as you're on fips this evening, let me just tell you it here very briefly:
I feel uncomfortable doing my tuesday night shifts from now on, because Cumin the night manager keeps touching me in my sack of potatoes and then jumping behind the organic sprouts.
Also, last week when I had to stop working to make a 7 minute phonecall to my grandmother (who ended up dying that night) I was beaten by Sandal the scout leader using a rasher of corn.
IF you could help me out with either of these, but not just because we're friends (wink wink) I'd so appreciate it.
Power to the people!
Dennis Fryhoffer
This is quite impressive. Blistering satire and funny as anything. Good post FIPS.
There's no fucking ban or proposal or anything you stupid idiots.
WELL ALAN YOU ARE RITE THE THING IS THE FOODS FROM THE PALESTINE MANDATE HAVE LONG BEEN THE SUBJECT OF DECLARATIONS OF BALFOUR AND THE WAQF OF AL AQSA SO YOU SHOUDL MAKE TOMATO SAUCE FROM THE ARAB OLIVES AND THE JEW FRUIT LOL AND WE CAN HAVE PIECE IN THE FOREIGN LANDS OF THE MANY GODS LOL
is this for real? does the coop ban food from every country that has ever waged war against another? do they boycott american food? because what america has done in iraq is fuct. what purpose does wearing a yellow star serve? pathetic.