BREAKING: FIPS HOTTIE 'LEAH' HAS A SWEET LITTLE ASS

Well, the internet sure has arrived. When I was a lad, the only people who used computers were big disgusting unshowered men who stank so bad they tended to commit suicide. Not anymore - you should have seen the turnout for last night's FIPS Booze Cruise - a whole slew of great looking young people! And they use fucking computers! Well slap my ass and call me Erica.

The party even had its requisite hottie, LEAH, who all the guys kept pretending not to look at over their pints of park slope pilsner.  Boy was she hot.

Now listen, here's why I'm posting:

I was stunned to find out that Leah is actually the girl who used FIPS CARES to try and find a date. Fucking stunned:

a) What is the world coming to when a HOT, smart, funny, sweet chick like this isn't bombarded by guys at every street corner.  (Not counting puerto ricans)

b) This is why online-dating generally uses IMAGES and not just text, doye. There was no goddamn picture of her on the FIPS CARES post! No wonder only like 1 guy responded. If there had been a picture of her, she'd have been fending off more email than a cancer-ridden Jonas Brother.

I'm here to tell you, and I'm a fuckin Verasign authenticated trusted third party, that this girl is DOPE, and a catch at that.

I'll tell ya, you oughta send her an email if you're a normal cute young guy. (Note to old people like me (over 35) - you're TOO OLD. Don't email. This is a kid. Stop being a letch and go jerk it to porn like the rest of us.)

p.s. Thanks so much to Arock and his awesome boyfriend for letting me in on the gay fun - ya see, he's allowed to grab Leah's ass from behind, because he's gay, and presumably doesn't wish he could tear down her jeans and ingest her entire body. He kept grabbing her ass while she was standing there talking to someone with her back to him. She kept not turning around to bust him, so finally I said

"What's the difference – can I try?"

"Sure," he said.

Wow – awesome! Thanks guys.