BLOCK-OFF! Remaining 5th Ave & 7th Ave vs. Remaining 6th Ave & 8th Ave

Woodstock Woodstock Woodstock! In case you’ve been away from every form of mass media imaginable for the last week or so, these past few days marked the 40th anniversary of Woodstock, with the festival closing out 40 years ago yesterday. What began as a somewhat small festival a few hours north in upstate New York ballooned to a gathering of 500,000 people & became one of the defining moments of the Sixties. Then Altamont & The Manson Family came along, people died because of both & the idealism of the Sixties soon came to a screeching halt.

...but Woodstock was memorable & really brought people together, so to celebrate the anniversary, in this week’s Block-Off!, we’ll be bringing together the remaining businesses we haven’t covered on 5th, 6th 7th & 8th and pitting those on the odd avenues against those on the even avenues. That means that on 5th, we’ll be covering the block from Sterling to Park, on 6th, the blocks between Union & Park, on 7th, the blocks from 7th to 5th and from St. John’s to Flatbush & on 8th, everything from 9th to Flatbush…and no, we won’t be covering the areas of 4th, 5th & 6th beyond Park Place, as on the day when I first drew the boundaries of the Block-Off!, the Wikipedia definition of Park Slope put the north border at Park Place. The Wiki page has since been changed, but I don’t deal well with change, so I’m not embracing this new definition.

To top it off, this week we’ll be ignoring all the apartment buildings & empty storefronts & extraneous crap to give you nothing but the straight, unfiltered Block-Off! poop. There’s just way too much extraneous crap on the blocks. As one set of blocks reflects on Woodstock with memories of free love & Hendrix & Sha Na Na, the other set will get confused & think that the Chili Peppers headlined & won’t be able to understand why everyone’s so nostalgic for three days of literal raping & pillaging. Let the muddy, idealistic, flower power infused judging begin!

Remaining 5th Ave & 7th Ave:
The odd avenues begin on 5th Ave with a Key Food that spans the area from Sterling to Park. It’s probably one of the better Key Foods in Brooklyn, especially compared to the majority of their Brooklyn locations. Considering the dearth of supermarkets in much of Brooklyn, we should probably be thankful for Key Food. I’m sorry, I can’t even write that last phrase with a straight face.

On the opposite side of 5th & Sterling the first business is Polish Nail Spa. It reminds me of a joke I once heard. Q: Why don't Polish women use vibrators? A: They chip their teeth. Ha! It’s ok. I can tell that joke because I’ve lived with Polish people for 60% of my time in Brooklyn.

Sterling Wines & Spirits follows the nail spa. It’s an above average liquor store, which is cool. Unfortunately, according to the name, it’s haunted.

It’s followed by Q-Beauty Nails. If you have the Q Fever, you should probably go here. Actually, on second thought, maybe you should get to a hospital instead. That shit sounds awful.

R&A Houseware comes after Q-Beauty. They’ve been there for forever & the few times I’ve been in there, they’ve been nice to me, so if you need some hardware shizz & don’t have a hardware store closer, you should go here.

Continuing with the R&A theme, the next business is R&A Cycles. The Google tells me that they’re “the world’s largest bicycle store.” Really? The WORLD’S largest? Right here in Park Slope? I can only assume they’re referring to the size of their online selection, because the physical locale isn’t that huge. If that isn’t the case, I call major bluff.

Are you sick of dealing with inferiority? If so, you’re in luck. The last business on 5th Ave is Superior Suds, the only laundromat in this week’s Block-Off! I’m not sure what makes them so superior, since it appears to be your average ol’ laundromat. Maybe they go above & beyond with a free tarot card reading or some shit while you do your laundry. I don’t know. Never been there.

Heading over to 7th Ave, our first set of blocks begins on the left-hand side of 7th St with the All Saints Episcopal Church. You think your church has a lot of saints? This mofo has all the saints. My favorite saint of all is Saint Boniface (the patron saint of brewing), with Saint Drogo (the patron saint of unattractive people) coming in a close second. Maybe if Boniface & Drogo got together, they could help solve some of society’s problems.

Next door to the church is the somewhat newly-renovated La Bagel Delight. Their bagels are pretty good, but you can do better. Still, given that they probably poured a lot of money into fixing the place up all nice for you, if you don’t go there, you’ll probably hurt their feelings and they’ll cry all over the bagels. Not cool, man.

If you adore our president & want to be just like him, you can live out your fantasy at the Five Guys Burger & Fries next door to La Bagel Delight. The best part? You won’t have Brian Williams tagging along…and when you’re done, just for shits & giggles, on the way out you can grab a couple handfuls from their barrel of peanuts & toss them about the streets of Park Slope like some sort of sadistic Johnny Appleseed.

Has anybody ever told you to go to hell? Well now you can! Right next door to Five Guys there’s a Bank of America. If I remember my history correctly, Andrew Jackson abolished them back in the 1830s. I guess they somehow rose from the dead.

After the Greenwood Baptist Church (which is on 6th St), is Subway, the sandwich franchise that was voted Entrepreneur Magazine’s #1 Franchise of 2009. Good for them, but if you’re patronizing them & you’re not broke or something, you’re a sucker.

Why are you a sucker? You’re a sucker because there’s a great place to get sandwiches RIGHT FRIGGIN NEXT DOOR at La Bruschetta. Hell, you don’t even have to get a sandwich there, since they also have badass pizza & pasta on the menu. I’m not sure what “la bruschetta” means in Italian, but you can probably get whatever it is there too.

Just past there, there’s Radio Shack, the electronics store who, in the spirit of Pizza Hut “The Hut,” is in the process of rebranding their stores to “The Shack.” I guess somebody up in corporate figured out that their customer base is essentially a bunch of weirdos looking for random wall socket adapters & cables & hearing aid batteries and freaked the fuck out.

Skipping down to St. John’s, there are two more EXCITING BUSINESSES on the left-hand side of 7th before you reach Flatbush Ave. The first is Joseph B. Poggioli, an attorney who also dabbles in real estate. If you’re into the real estate part, there’s a sign out front that reminds you to “Ask for Jill” when you call. If she’s not up the hill with Jack, she’ll be able to help you. Tell them Shawn sent you. They won’t have any idea what you’re talking about, but it’ll make the conversation more interesting.

The second is Cohen Realty. These peeps do everything! According to their signage, on top of being real estate agents, they’ll also notarize junk for you & do your income taxes. I bet if you ask nicely, they can probably change your oil or walk your dog or read a bedtime story to your breedling as well.

Back at 7th St, the first block on the right is occupied by NY Methodist Hospital, but its entrance is on 6th St, so it doesn’t count. On the corner of 6th, there’s a Barnes & Noble. All the neighborhood bookstores are closing down & the cafes are starting to skimp on the Wi-Fi, so you might as well just say “fuck it” and start going here now. One bookstore to rule them all.

Between the Barnes & Noble & the Rite Aid at the end of the block, there’s an entrance for the NY Methodist Hospital Medical Pavilion. As far as I know, they hold information sessions & group meetings & whatnot here. If your intestines are hanging out, go next door to the actual hospital.

The block ends with Rite Aid Pharmacy, which has pretty much in the best location ever for a pharmacy, given its proximity to the hospital. Too bad Rite Aid has a history of unfair labor practices & union busting.

Since you can never have enough religion or enough churches, there’s another one down on the right-hand corner of 7th & Sterling—Grace United Methodist Church. I’m assuming it’s one of the better churches around because there’s an announcement out front that reads “You want to meet Jesus? Come here.” I’m not sure when he’s going to be there but Jesus only makes so many stops on his world tour, so definitely keep an eye out for the date.

The last block on 7th starts with Ocean’s 8 Sports Bar & Grill, but their address is on Flatbush, so I guess they’re not even in Park Slope. Salon Harmony is right next door. It’s good to see the businesses of Park Slope and Prospect Heights getting along so well.

The last business on the right before Flatbush is San Art Framing & Supply. I’m assuming they can probably handle your framing needs, but only if you want to frame a tastefully done picture of anime darling Princess Mononoke.

5th Ave Left-hand side (Sterling to Park):
Key Food, 120 5th Ave, 718-783-9053

5th Ave Right-hand side (Sterling to Park):
Polish Nail Spa, 117 5th Ave, 718-399-0313
Sterling Wines & Spirits, 115 5th Ave, 718-789-9521
Q-Beauty Nails, 113 5th Ave, 718-398-8440
R&A Houseware, 109 5th Ave, 718-622-0657
R&A Cycles, 101-105 5th Ave, 718-636-5242
Superior Suds, 99 5th Ave

7th Ave Left-hand side (St. John’s to Park/7th to 5th)
All Saints Episcopal Church, 286-288 7th Ave, 718-768-1156
La Bagel Delight, 284 7th Ave, 718-768-6107
Five Guys Burger & Fries, 284 7th Ave, 718-499-9380
Bank of America, 274 7th Ave, 800-841-8000
Subway, 258 7th Ave, 718-832-5399
La Bruschetta, 256 7th Ave, 718-499-4994
Radio Shack, 254 7th Ave, 718-788-8130

Joseph B. Poggioli, 32 7th Ave, 718-622-5540
Cohen Realty, 20 7th Ave, 718-783-0082

7th Ave Right-hand side (St. John’s to Park/7th to 5th)
Barnes & Noble, 257 7th Ave, 718-832-9066
NY Methodist Hospital Medical Pavilion, 263 7th Ave
Rite Aid Pharmacy, 249 7th Ave, 718-769-9567

Grace United Methodist Church, 33 7th Ave, 718-638-1165
Salon Harmony, 9 7th Ave, 718-622-7722
San Art Framing & Supply, 7 7th Ave, 718-857-0629

Scoring
Bonuses – One Haunted Liquor Store, The World’s Largest Bicycle Store, A Nice Looking Baqeltique, One Presidential-Preferred Burger Joint
Shames – Hell, One Sauronesque Book Store, A Pharmacy That Hates Fair Labor

Remaining 6th Ave & 8th Ave:
We begin our even avenue blocks with 6th Ave and the first business on the left, Boing Boing, which is located on the corner of 9th. They’ve been around since 1996 and are “New York's first babywearing and breastfeeding boutique.” They’re also the proud owners of the best tagline in Park Slope—“At your cervix since 1996.” I have a cervix? No way! That’s crazy!

The 6th & 8th Ave blocks are chock full of medical folks and continuing down the block, we come to our first one—Carol Patti, MS. Ms Patti’s a clinical nutritionist, which means that if you eat a box of Little Debbie’s Swiss Rolls for breakfast or are a candidate for a reality show hosted by Kirstie Alley, she can help.

She’s at the same address as Dr Andrea Auerbach, who specializes in maternity stuff & early breedling stuff like nursing & chiropractic. Man. Breedlings are so needy. Give me milk! Fix my spine! Take care of me! Wah!

The next block is home to Public/Middle School 282—the Panthers of Park Slope. Jungle cats! If you’re looking for the Cougars of Park Slope, they’re down at the bar trying to pick up your friend. You should probably go down there & help his ass out.

The last locale of note on this side of 6th is St Augustine Church (pictured above), located between Sterling & Park. As a confirmed but not-practicing-at-all Roman Catholic, I’m pretty sure that if you go here, you can probably do all that cool Roman Catholic stuff—confessing, eating the body of Christ, feeling guilty, etc.

Back at Union, the right-hand side of 6th begins with the 6th Avenue Animal Clinic. They’ve been around for over 25 years, so if you take your pet here, they’ll probably take good care of him/her, but if you do a web search for them, the link reads “DarkTheme.” That’s slightly unsettling.

There isn’t another business on this side of 6th Ave until you hit 6th Avenue Deli, on the corner of Sterling. There don’t appear to be any roaches crawling around in here, so that’s a good sign.

Pet Boutique & Supplies is nestled between the “deli” & an empty lot. They’re a relatively new addition to the hood & also have a locale down on 5th Ave. A few weeks back, I mentioned that if I ever get a pet, their two locales will have to fight for my love Civil War style. I’ve since decided to amendment that to “War on Terror” style…less cholera.

S Simmons Gallery occupies the space next door. I’m pretty sure that they’re architects, but every time I walk by the gate’s down, so I’ve only seen the darkness inside. They could be hosting a dominatrix club in there for all I know.

Our remaining stretch of 8th Ave opens on the left with Ramon Vallarino, MD. Dude’s a faculty member at Albert Einstein College of Medicine, so that means you can get physical therapy from a genius with crazy hair.

On the next block there’s Progressive Podiatry, PLLC. I suppose their method’s better than that of all those regressive podiatry doctors out there.

A few blocks down at 2nd St, there’s the Church of the Virgin Mary. It’s a Greek Catholic church, which is sort of like a Roman Catholic church except they call their god “Zeus” instead of “Jupiter.”

Midway between 1st & Garfield, there are a few medical type businesses located in the same brownstone. There’s Gibbs Physical Therapy & Pain Management, which I’m pretty sure is run by the dudes from the Bee Gees. There’s also Resurface Aesthetics, who specialize in skin care but have a name that makes them sound like somebody who’d install siding for you. They share the address with Mona Pervil-Ulysse, MD. If your insides are all messed up, give her a ring. After these three businesses, there are no more on the left-hand side of 8th.

Oh wait! Remember how I said that Rite Aid had the best spot ever because it was so close to the hospital? There’s this other place, Park Slope Pharmacy, which also has a pretty sweet location, right up on the right-hand side of 8th & 8th. Fuck Rite Aid. This is a neighborhood place, so if it’s open, walk your ass up the hill from the hospital & go here.

Saint Saviour School is located on the next block. The school’s been around for just over 100 years & according to the results posted on their website, their students scored way higher than both those of both the city & state as a whole…except for the 4th graders. Those underachievers scored lower than both on the Math portion. Fractions, people! Fractions! It’s not that hard!

A block past the school is the Church of Saint Saviour, which has also been around for over 100 years. They’re also Roman Catholic, so see St. Augustine Church re: confessing, eating the body of Christ, feeling guilty.

Is nothing too good for your breedling? Want to ensure your breedling’s better than all the other moms at Tea Lounge? You should probably send said breedling to the Montessori School in between President & Carroll. Just like Woodstock, they’ve been around since 1969, so while you’re celebrating that, you can also celebrate all the thousands upon thousands of dollars you’re spending on your breedling’s education.

At the bottom of the brownstone on the corner of Union St, there’s Community Chiropractic & Acupuncture. Dr. Karen A Thomas founded it twenty years ago, although it’s hard to believe that because she doesn’t look a day over 30. Dr. Thomas, can I have my free acupuncture now?

The last two businesses on the right-hand side of 8th are a dentist and a urologist—Matthew Lieberman, DMD and Barry W Rubin, MD. Let’s hope that if you have to visit one of them, it’s because you need your teeth cleaned & not your pipes.

6th Ave Left-hand side (Union to Park):
Boing Boing, 204 6th Ave, 718-398-0251
Carol Patti, MS, 196 6th Ave, 718-783-7377
Dr Andrea Auerbach, 196 6th Ave, 718-399-1111
Public School/Middle School 282, 180 6th Ave, 718-622-1626
St Augustine Church, 116 6th Avenue, 718-783-3132
 
6th Ave Right-hand side (Union to Park):
6th Avenue Animal Clinic, 207 6th Ave, 718-789-7170
6th Avenue Deli, 133 6th Ave, 718-230-0146
Pet Boutique & Supplies, 129 6th Ave, 718-622-2129
S Simmons Gallery, 127 6th Ave, 718-783-3288

8th Ave Left-hand side (9th to Sterling):
Ramon Vallarino, MD, 816 8th Ave, 718-788-5762
Progressive Podiatry, PLLC, 702 8th Ave, 718-840-0660
Church of the Virgin Mary, 216 8th Ave, 718-788-5454
Gibbs Physical Therapy & Pain Management, 182 8th Ave, 718-768-1300
Resurface Aesthetics, 182 8th Ave, 718-768-2026
Mona Pervil-Ulysse, MD, 182 8th Ave, 718-768-3383

8th Ave Right-hand side (9th to Sterling):
Park Slope Pharmacy, 803 8th Ave, 718-768-3010
Saint Saviour School, 701 8th Ave, 718-768-8000
Church of Saint Saviour, 611 8th Ave, 718-768-4055
Montessori School, 107 8th Ave, 718-857-3341
Community Chiropractic & Acupuncture, 71 8th Ave, 718-398-3100
Matthew Lieberman, DMD, 33 8th Ave, 718-636-8522
Barry W Rubin, MD, 31 8th Ave, 718-638-2222

Scoring
Bonuses – A Fancy School the Same Age as Woodstock, Two Hands Worth of Medical Peeps (YAY!)
Shames – Two Hands Worth of Medical Peeps (YAWN!)

BEST DAMN SLOPE BLOCK ON THE BLOCK WINNER:
REMAINING 5TH AVE & 7TH AVE

Read way more from Shawn at eatdrinksnack.com.