PS 282's Cleaning Crews May Be Adding To Park Slope's Rat Problemo

Ladies! Jump on a chair, pull your skirts suggestively above your knees and proceed to wail like a banshee, because Park Slope is -- as we recently suspected -- overrun with rats. Turns out cleaning crews at local school PS 282 have been throwing out loads of garbage, specifically discarded cafeteria food, onto the street near 6th Ave and Berkeley, which is attracting the furry little locavores in droves. And they have been wreaking havoc! In one unconfirmed and completely made-up report, a rat stole a baby from the Starbucks on 7^th avenue and sold it into white slavery. Obviously something must be done (where is Crispin Glover when you need him? Probably somewhere painting a dwarf with Down’s syndrome).

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Gowanus: Where Hipsters Will Go To Retire ('Cause They're Getting a Shuffleboard Bar!!)

Image via jpjopj.tumblr.com

I’ve always said that Park Slope is where hipsters go to grow up. While in the heights of your hipster career, Williamsburg makes for a vibrant setting. Later, after finding that special someone with tattoos that compliment yours, and upon birthing a little bundle of Band of Horses, Park Slope is the natural move.

But where does a hipster go to spend the indie rock golden years? That’s right, the Gowanus.

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[FiPS Was There...] the 5th annual Scrabble for Cheaters

We here at FIPS spend a hell of a lot of time out and about in Brooklyn, attending outdoor concerts, comedy shows and various other events. So [FIPS Was There...] is where we're gonna' talk about all this shit.

When you play the game of Scrabble you win or you die. And by "die," I mean "have some pizza while trying to rub shoulders with celebs." That’s right: this past Saturday was the 5^th annual Scrabble for Cheaters, which was held at Park Slope’s own Brooklyn Super Hero Supply Company. As per usual, the tutoring center fronted by a cape emporium managed to stock the pond with some mild to major public figures. The most titillating of which was no doubt Mr. Peter Dinklage. 

But I am getting ahead of myself. I should start by explaining how this version of the game works. The thing that sets this kind of scrabblery apart from any other is that players can use money they raised from gullible friends and family to buy cheats. That's right. Cheating is encouraged. And that’s where things get interesting. 

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Harold Gruber Becomes Poster Boy For Uptight Slopers

Caption: This is the last face fun sees right before it gets Ned Starked on the steps of the Food Co-op.

It should come as no surprise that Park Slopers are trying to shut down yet another bar. That’s just what we do out here. It’s become an official P Slope pastime, like lawn bowling in Prospect Park or skateboarding down 7^th avenue on mushrooms (other people do that too, right?).

The bad news is that this is a characteristic of our neighborhood that we have to live with. The good news is now we have a face we can hate for it.

Meet Harold Gruber.

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HOT! CIVIC! ACTION! Board approves public funds for the upkeep of municipal zzzzzzzz….

Late last night I was assigned to cover the results of a local ballot aimed at letting Slope citizens choose which community projects were most deserving of a little city-flavored fundage. And while I suspect this may just be a FiPS form of hazing (2^nd post ever, Man!), upon further reflection it is pretty cool that 2,200 residents took time to go out and vote where municipal funds should be allocated. It’s that kind of spirit that makes this a great neighborhood.

And with that, I promise you that the rest of this post will be sincerity-free!

Following are the 7 projects, which citizens like you (though, let’s be honest, not actually you -- you were on the couch, stoned, watching Hoarders on Netflix streaming) decided were most deserving of municipal moola. This list is complete with my own snarky commentary (SC):

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