HOT! CIVIC! ACTION! Board approves public funds for the upkeep of municipal zzzzzzzz….

Late last night I was assigned to cover the results of a local ballot aimed at letting Slope citizens choose which community projects were most deserving of a little city-flavored fundage. And while I suspect this may just be a FiPS form of hazing (2^nd post ever, Man!), upon further reflection it is pretty cool that 2,200 residents took time to go out and vote where municipal funds should be allocated. It’s that kind of spirit that makes this a great neighborhood.

And with that, I promise you that the rest of this post will be sincerity-free!

Following are the 7 projects, which citizens like you (though, let’s be honest, not actually you -- you were on the couch, stoned, watching Hoarders on Netflix streaming) decided were most deserving of municipal moola. This list is complete with my own snarky commentary (SC):

1. Renovation of two dysfunctional bathrooms at PS 124 ($150,000, 958 votes)

(SC: Wait, $150,000? That seems excessive for just cleaning up some poo stains. Just how dysfunctional were these bathrooms? Did they come from broken homes? Were they doing drugs in other bathrooms? Were they arguing about whether it was moral to sell humus in a co-op? QUICK! FIX THOSE BATHROOMS!)

Photo via www.brooklyntheborough.com

2. Innovative community composting system near Gowanus Canal to turn 1 ton/day of food waste into soil ($165,000, 919 votes)

(SC: This was an important one because residents living near Gowanus have been complaining that the air was almost breathable. Suck it in River Rats!)

3. Planting 100 new trees on blocks throughout the district with few or no trees ($100,000, 767 votes)

(SC: When I first read this I thought all the trees were going to be planted on one block. How cool would that be? “Where do you live?” “Oh I live on 6^{th Ave.} between Garfield and the Amazon Rain Forest.”)

4. New technology for PS 130 and PS 154 ($140,000, 758 votes)

(SC: Through a horribly unbalanced distribution of the funds PS 130 has robots now and PS 154 got an NES gyroscope.)

Photo via Flickr user Wallyg

5. Repairing Prospect Park pedestrian paths to prevent flooding, and adding trash cans in the park ($205,000, 648 votes)

(SC: Or as I like to call them, Hobo Warmers.)

6. Repairs and safety improvements at the dangerous Prospect Expressway/Church Avenue pedestrian crossing ($200,000, 606 votes)

(SC: They installed one of those signals where waiting pedestrians hear a signal that lets them know it is time not to cross, but to take out their guns and shoot each other.)

7. New books and equipment for the Kensington public library to enhance the branch’s use for meetings, storytelling, rehearsals, and small performances promoting Kensington's cultural diversity ($80,000, 582 votes)

(SC: So I have been Googling this all morning, and apparently, a library is some kind of building where homeless people go to look at pornography. Not sure why they need 80 grand for that…)

Check out the vote totals for all the projects HERE. And be sure to go and visit those bathrooms at PS 124. They really need your support.