BBQ? NIMBY!

Aghast at the "prospect" that common folk (like those without yards, money, etc) might want to participate in the Great American Pastime ™ of BBQ'ing, a select group of nearby residents and others have come together to try and ban all cooking in Prospect Park, assuming you're cooking on a BBQ.

A 50 year-old leads a band of 50 with a Change.org petition asking liberal do-gooder Mayor DeBlasio to exert his powers of evil on banning the illegal smokeouts. The illegal fires in non-approved areas are serving up such delicious treats as steaks, burgers, corn, grilled kale, and possibly meth, all while ruining the grass when illegal coals are dumped on the grass. The anti-charcoal activist also considers the approved fire pits a hazard and want them shut down, as well.

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Floored

The icon – or eyesore, depending on your political slant – called the Kentile sign appears to be headed towards a final downward spiral. That downward spiral is likely to be in a trash chute from the roof of a nondescript building to the bottom of the Gowanus canal, where many other memories of asbestos and bankruptcy relish in the purple funk some believe to be water.

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[My Favorite Park Slope...] Cheap Massage

I'm always searching for a killer massage to take care of the recurring golf ball knot in my back, a product of too many youthful wheeled-transport crashes. Thankfully, here in the ‘hood I have the Renew and Relax Spa at 142 5th Ave. While the Slope has a variety of massage options in the "asian massage" category, this place is my personal ER. They offer only two services: massage and acupuncture, so if you want a mani/pedi search elsewhere. The rooms are clean and sparse (think a bed at a hostel) and the staff are all Chinese speaking, so it helps to point to where the bad juju emanates. For $45 an hour you can banish all those kinks you get from simply living the rat race that is New York Fuckin' City. I always start with an hour then get suckered (willingly, I might add) into an extra 30 minutes that has me relaxed to the point of where I start demonstrating my sleep apnea.  It helps to make an appointment; they don't take Amex, and if you hear snoring just remember that just means I've been lucky enough to have a non-sexual orgasm.

It's Ta-Ta for your Ta-Tas: E Lingerie is closing

It's been well over a decade since I have personally worn women's lingerie, but it still saddens me to see the departure of yet another Park Slope local retailer.  E Lingerie at 140 5th Ave recently added the always terrifying "Going Out Of Business" banner to their exterior. They've been in the current space nearly a decade (after a move from Manhattan). The staff mentioned they will likely be gone by March, and that the building owner is already showing the space to the next tenant.  They have a closing sale going on, so stop by and get your wife, husband, girlfriend, significant other, or Mom some fancy undergarments before you're force to buy them at Target.  Let's hope its not another yogurt dispensary moving in, because those places are magnets for trouble.

Shady Donation Boxes on 4th Avenue -- Shenanigans!

So a couple of weeks ago, large pink donation boxes appeared at the corners of Degraw and Sackett next to the empty fenced lots on 4th Ave. Since these e̶y̶e̶s̶o̶r̶e̶s̶  boxes did not contain any pastries, they were quickly ticketed by Sanitation with a warning, and as of today, still remain, because there are more pressing trash issues in Manhattan.  

The first “urban art piece,” aka tag, appeared on one this weekend. I suspect those fun-loving kids will continue to decorate these festive dumpsters with more of the same in the coming weeks. And surely the goods deposited by the giving locals are enjoying the eco-friendly wash in the rain and snow.

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