Attack of the Kites!

Anywhere from one to a small group of people have been arrested this week for flying incredibly loud kites in Prospect Park. Adults, children and grandparents alike were screaming, crying and cowering in fear, as colorful structures recreating sounds of war and lawn mowing zoomed over their quivering bodies, most of which were lying on the grass in the fetal position. Many are now permanently deaf, which prosecuting attorneys are calling “deadly force” as they prepare for the upcoming trials against these kite-flying degenerates.

Ok, I lied, none of that is true.

In reality, some people (specifically one super annoyed Park Sloper who was complaining on Brooklynian.com about the kites) just need to quit their bitchin’.

To quote the specific person directly, “One person or a small group of people are flying these home made kites that make a loud buzzing sound. It is very annoying. I don't think I’m alone in not wanting to listen to the equivalent of a running lawn mower hover over my head as I try and relax in the park. Does anyone know how you would go about filing some kind of complaint about this? Do you think the police would do anything about it? Is it technically against park rules to fly a kite that makes amplified noise like that?”

That whole paragraph just makes me want to punch myself in the face until I’ve lost enough brain cells to forget that people like that exist.

It’s finally getting nice out and people just want to fly their kites around, relax!

Maybe some peoples’ kites make more noise than others’, but who gives a damn? And this lunatic wants to bring the Po-Po into it?! Don’t you think cops have better things to do than listen to this nonsense? Don’t answer that, the answer is a blaring “YES."

Also, you know what’s more annoying than kites? Bullshit complaints. So put in some headphones, get your ass some earplugs or go somewhere else.

(via Brooklynian)