A New Pre-K for Budding Park Slope Geniuses

via 99designs.com

Have you been lying awake at night, worrying that the existing Park Slope pre-K options won't be challenging enough for your destined-for-Ivy-only spawn? Well, rest assured, your dreams are about to come true.

American Development Group, LLC announced a new pre-school for ages 2-4 in the Park Union Building at 910 Union Street. The 6,200 s/f ground floor retail space of the luxury apartment building will host the new school for at least the next 10 years, as deemed by the new lease.    

The pre-school immediately sets the bar high, if by nomenclature alone: Mozarts and Einsteins….I shit you not.  Fuck ‘The Wiggles’!  Your future Grammy-winning neurosurgeon will be waxing on about the Theory of Relativity while conducting a teddy bear orchestra through his or her latest symphonic masterpiece; a tune so mellifluous it’ll literally float on a gentle breeze to the far reaches of Lefferts Gardens and beyond.

Curriculum is set to include music, tap, jazz, ballet, reading, writing, math, science, computers, and Spanish. Why stop there? Can’t handle Astrophysics? Too scared to try your hands at Advanced Harmonics or Composition based on the twelve-tone method? Damn babies! Some puritans may argue that this curriculum is tad advanced for children of this age group. I say the opposite. My wife and I have already discussed outfitting her with Apple’s new iWomb (already trademarked…don’t even try it) when we decide to get pregnant. Paint your own picture on that one.

Mozarts and Einsteins will accept applications starting in February. with classes set to begin sometime this summer. When I was little, the word preschool could literally be broken down to mean: before grade school. My heaviest workload was ‘Don’t Shit on the Way to the Potty 101’, followed by ‘Sharing is Caring’ and ‘Apples are Red’. I was a dumb little bastard. These days the word takes on a new meaning: preparing the privileged for a life of unmitigated success. Start em’ young, FIPSters!