Worst. Apartments. Ever. (In Park Slope): Show Us Your Shitboxes

Vaughn Vance for NY Times

As we've previously reported, @designsponge is looking for a new rental worthy of her awesomeness. Apparently, her plans for a loft in Greenpoint fell apart on account of the bedbugs. It must be hard to have to squeeze all that cool DIY swag into some dump of a rental. 

Ninedaves is busy looking for a joint to buy, and this whole thing got us thinking: what does it actually take to find a decent, reasonably-priced apartment rental round here? Because I got a nosebleed this week when I saw the following listing over at Brownstoner...

Luxuriously appointed 1400 sq/ft garden floor-through rental in a 26.9 ft wide C.P.H. Gilbert Mansion off Prospect Park West and Garfield Place. Located in Prime Park Slope, steps to Prospect Park and the Great Meadow; Triple A location! Custom design and impeccably maintained, with no expense spared. This gracious apartment features an expansive living room with a wood-burning fireplace overlooking a lush garden, a state of the art chef's kitchen with a 36" Sub Zero fridge and Wolf gas double oven professional stove, Miele dishwasher and marble counter-tops. Large bedroom with one on-suite bathroom and second full bathroom for guests with Waterwork fixtures and details completes the picture. Other features include Herringbone oak floors with radiant heat, Central AC, alarm system, Miele washer/dryer & high speed internet. Convenient to 2,3,4,5,B,Q,F,G subways.

Yes, for a mere $4500/mo (plus utilities? uh, that's $54 grand a year!), this can be virtually yours. Until such a time as the house sells. Are you freaking kidding me???? I think this is the white door mansion people on Garfield, btw. Yes, just checked. It is.

Now, I've done my time in crapalicious housing sitches. I once had a room in a rangy UWS apartment of a "Persian" and his belly dancing wife and I would routinely arrive home to wade through the pot smoke in MY little cubby only to find some creepy middle-aged dude sleeping on my bed. I once spent a year in a 300 square foot mother-in-law cottage with my newbie husband. I once even slept with a scant six inches between my bed and that of my deeply screwed-up and bulemic roommate. But it's been a while and I've gotten soft. Well, as soft as you can get when you've been waiting for a backsplash and doors for a decade.

That listing does beg the question of how the fuck much it DOES cost to live a semi-comfortable life around these parts. Like, say, with a W/D and a couple of bedrooms and maybe, just maybe, a dishwasher. And what devil's bargain do you have to make to pay the freight?

Tell us your secrets, people. The absolutely most shocking and appalling Park Slope shit show you've ever viewed and/or lived in. Has your landlord and/or tenant ever tried to a) kill you or b) make you miserable in an above and beyond kind of way?

And, MOST IMPORTANTLY, show us your shitboxes. You can email your best of the worst pix to us at effedinparkslope AT gmail DOT com and we'll post them. 

Maybe we'll even pick a winner and send you a subscription to the Brooklyn Paper.