Why, Landmarks, Why?

Curbed is covering the re-listing of another nose-bleed inspiring Park Slope manse, this one on Garfield. I do love the broker's description...

Where are extraordinary townhouses designed by the finest architects of their day in all styles built in the 1880s only four miles from Manhattan? A Historic District for over half a century with five-story mansion height restrictions thereby limiting population density and providing views of the clouds and sky? Where the scent of wood-burning fireplaces in the fall and winter months feel like a town in Vermont? Where the air feels cleaner and fresher because of a 585-acre park by Olmsted & Vaux with a 60-acre lake and a 90-acre Long Meadow where sheep grazed after the Civil War, and stunning Botanic Gardens? Without the roar of trucks and buses it feels like going back in time, an oasis chosen by notable figures who could choose to live anywhere.

Pure poetry. 

Now, as it happens, I walk by this very house several times a day and have long wondered how it is that such a butt-ugly front door has gotten by Landmarks. This regency classic also has a monstrous crystal chandelier but that, I can't blame on Landmarks. Fine, maybe it's the house next door but I don't think so. Anyway, the door!!

Apparently, the topic of the door was also burning through the Curbed comments as well. I'm glad to see some kindred spirits out there.

Is it me, or does the front door on this house look all wrong????????

Ugh, the white door!

I walk by that horrid white front door every day and wonder why, oh why, there is a suburban massepequa door on this house. (fine, that was me)

I think you're making things up. You don't like the white door and thought it would help your cause as a competing broker to make it seem like you walk by here when in fact you live in Queens with your creepy uncle.

Looks Fab! Yes, they could use a black door for what it's worth but why not live here? 

So, back to Landmarks...

They are an ever-loving pain in the ass. A bureaucratic nightmare. I love beautiful old buildings so I get why they exist but do they EVER get it right? I'm sure they do but I'm not going to let that get in the way of a little ranting.

I heard a particularly sad tale of woe last week. Apparently, it's a fatal error to try and fix your stoop legally if you are zoned for Landmarks. Because if you do apply for a permit to, say, repair your chippy front steps, you may be cashing out your IRA for unexpected restoration work. Instead of appreciating that you spent your life savings replacing the peeling, broken down circa 1973 piece of shit front door and broken window pane of old, for instance, Landmarks will smack a whopping, ongoing fine on you for a previous owner's metalwork. They may ask you to cough up fifty grand or so in sundry restorations or be hit with weekly fines in perpetuity. And now that they're there on the block, Landmarks may just look around and fine all your neighbors too.

Thanks for that, Landmarks. And, hey, while you're out patrolling our leafy, period-appropriate streets, please do something about that white door on Garfield!