Sidewalk Etiquette: There's A Rule!?

So I was directed to this blog post on parkslopeparents.com (next thing you know they’ll be a website called Bushwick Beards). In it, a parent of the Park Slope persuasion was apparently “conducting international diplomacy" via her iPhone while innocently standing on the street, and was given a done-told-to by a silver haired lady concerning her inappropriate location on the sidewalk. She obnoxiously accused her of not following "the rule." Whatever rule could she mean?

Um, THE rule dipshits.

The rule, clearly stated from the mouth of crazies: “when you stand on the left, I have to deviate from my path and walk around you. The rule is, you’re supposed to stand on the right.” Oh really? Well Park Slope super mom disagreed. Why? Because she’s lived in cities all over the world (eye roll), and never heard of such a rule. Now could you please let her get back to saving the world via her iPhone texting? Silver-Haired Sidewalk Surfer was so indignant that she kept shouting, “There are rules!” as she walked down the street. 

At this point, I’ve poured a scotch (it’s 10:30 AM) to help me get through the rest of this post.

But still, I'm left curious. And so I engage in my favorite hobby: calling 311.

Ring Ring Ring…some bullshit about “we’re here to help” and that alternate side parking rules are suspended and you’re garbage pick-up will resume in July.”

SHAMEEKA (I’m changing her to name to something similar but not identical): 311 this is Shameeka speaking may I help you?

J CHARLES: Shameeka hi, I have a question.

SHAMEEKA:  Uh huh.

J CHARLES: Are there rules for walking down the sidewalk?

SHAMEEKA: What?

J CHARLES: You know, like traffic rules? Like left lane keeps moving. Pull over on the right-hand side kinda shit?

SHAMEEKA: Pull over? For the sidewalk?

J CHARLES:  Yeah.

SHAMEEKA: Is this for real?

J CHARLES: Idiotic right?

SHAMEEKA: Well I’ve heard some crazy questions but… I mean, do you want me to redirect your call or look this up?

J CHARLES: Oh, God no. I’m done. Thanks.

So that settles it. Of course Shameeka and I are besties and the Silvered-Haired Sidewalk Surfer who clearly has been skipping therapy can suck it.

Walk wherever the fuck you want.