WHO GIVES A SHIT: Why Are There No Cadbury Mini-Eggs At Duane Reade?

Look, ppl.

I don't give a rat's ass about Jesus or Easter or any of that crap. I mean, I'm happy for all you Christian people that you have a great holiday to celebrate-n-shit, but there's only one thing that matters to me about Easter and one thing only: CADBURY MINI EGGS.

When April rolls around, you btchz are all worried about April Fools and flowers and showers, and all I'm thinking about is that I need to go buy 17 bags of mini-eggs so I can stockpile that crap in my freezer for the rest of the year.

My office happens to now be located next door to a Duane Reade, so when we were moving in back in the dead of winter, I was thinking to myself: jackpot! I'm closer to my Mini Egg supplier than I've ever been!

So I saunter into the joint the other day after work (with my gigantic empty work bag...brought with me for just this special occasion), I go downstairs to the Easter candy section with fire in my eyes, and then: BOOM! There aren't any there! Yes I'm sure and yes I looked hard.

I immediately think to myself: Oh they must be sold out! And so I throw a tantrum leave and plan to come back later in the week.

Yesterday I went back in ah-gain, re-motivated and re-charged, and lo and behold: still no beautiful purple bags of my mini eggies!

WHAT. THE. FUCK.

I decided to take a Twitter poll last night, and my suspicions were confirmed: there are no Cadbury Mini Eggs at Duane Reade!

@meredithmo informed my ass that they ARE at Rite-Aid, CVS and Walgreens (where the fuck is a Walgreens in this city?), but looks like Duane Reade has got Cadbury on lockdown.

I'm sorry: that's just bullshit! Duane Reade sells fucking seaweed salad now, and they don't have mini-eggs!? That's so not right.

Others have said they seem to even be sold out at Rite Aid and Walgreens too, though I did get a tip that there's plenty of them at the Atlantic Center Target.

Ok, so I'm collecting intel. Have you seen em? Where? When? HELP!