Who Gives a Shit: What's The Worst Christmas/Hanukkah Gift You've Ever Gotten?

A holiday thong clad in jingle bells and lace that was plucked from the dollar bin and smells like an old pharmacy.

An oversized t-shirt printed with a sepia-toned, faux "Wanted" poster of your Uncle Norm (the crime? "Eating all the deviled eggs at last year's Christmas dinner.").

A flowbee.

These are all AWFUL GIFTS that I'm happy to report my family has never dared give me for Christmas. Others have not been so lucky in this department. Poor Ralphie.

A bad holiday gift sucks for a few reasons:

1. You must feign enthusiasm. This usually includes extending vowels on the words you don't mean ("I looooooooove it!").

2. You must utilize the gift then and there, in front of the giver ("Let's have you test this PGA-approved golf ball cleaner out in the backyard / try on those Spanx!").

3. You have to decide whether to keep, toss or re-gift the awful present. If you're like those people on Hoarders who can't throw anything away that anyone has ever given then EVER, then you're fucked.

I realize that this proclamation -- What's the worst gift you've been given? -- can be perceived as selfish SLASH heartless. We should all be thankful to receive anything on the holidays because there are people less fortunate than us in this world, and it's really the time spent with family and friends that's most important, yaddah yah. I get that.

Still.

It doesn't mean that I wouldn't disown my family if they gave me a vacuum for my head on Christmas morning.

What's the worst holiday gift you've ever received? Spill in the comments!