Where Else Would You Live in Brooklyn?

If not here, where?

My man and I have been asking each other this question with increasing regularity. For a lot of reasons not the least of which is because the freight on an extra bedroom in Park Slope gives me a nosebleed to contemplate. 

And for what?

To be surrounded by the most odious (and alternately gemütlich) people on the planet?

To have my calendar overrun with Food Coop shifts and cooperator meetings of the Lake Huntington Summer Community and emergency redecorate the lobby meetings of our apartment coop?

Because, God help me, I can't see myself anywhere else?

Yeah, that's why.

So, for the sake of argument and leaving out the delightful/despicable nature of Park Slope: if not here, where?

Let's say in Brooklyn: since according to my extensive research, we've got 85 different neighborhoods to choose from. 

I'll start. 

I've been thinking of cheating on Park Slope with Carroll Gardens. 

My brother has lived kitty corner to nee Cammareri's since circa 1994 and I've always kind of dug the old Italian backbone. I particularly love the fact that CG has shit like white-shoed memorial benches like Geraldine Bianchi's above. And they still have a pork store. And you get the feeling they still have retired mobsters named Vinnie and shit hanging out at the Italian American Social Club.

I like that. Why, I don't know. I'm half Sicilian? I feel like it might keep the hipster population down. My brother says no, not so much.

My son: "Where's Carroll Park?" Me: "You're looking at it." Him: "Huh?" Me: "In front of you." "Him: "How can they call that a park?" But they've got the cool BK Bridge Park thing coming. 

The following comparative analysis of a few other Brooklyn hoods is based upon nothing more than the scantest anecdotal and wholly uninformed supposition.

Green-Wood Heights. Is that what we're calling it these days? My mom grew up on the 18th St. exit ramp to the Prospect Expressway and called it Park Slop. Whatever it's called, I kind of love it. I had a great cafe con leche and egg sandwich at Linda's on 16th off 5th. And I lurve Green-Wood Cemetery. It's the greatest park in Brooklyn. Absolutely NO idea what it costs to live in Green-Wood Cemetery but some of the family crypts could house a family of four. And what a view! Alternately, you can get yourself a little aluminum sided ranch burger and fix it up. 

Prospect Lefferts. Some of the most trust fundy people I've ever met live in this "historically integrated" little hood but you can still get a big ass and un-mucked-up house for under a million, I hear. 

Bay Ridge. I listened to some authentic old Brooklyn being spoken at Legends Sports Supply just this morning. All I know is plumber's wives in hummers and Century 21.  And how long does it take to get to the city: two hours? Still, a real melting pot. Maybe more melty than I need. Dunno.

Sunset Park. They've got Melody Lanes, Chinatown, and I can get a whole chicken with rice and beans for as much as one coffee at Cafe Grumpy. Plus: Paul Auster. But he made it seem kind of dreary, no? 

Gowanus. I was tempted by those cutie little toxic houses near the Gowanus until I got sticker shock at the prices. NFW! But any cool lofts or apartments?

Billyburg. I'd sooner poke my eyes out with hot pincers. I'm just not cool enough and never will be.

Greenpoint. Phuck, it's not cheap in the asshole of the universe. But design sponge lives there now, I guess. And they've got that good restaurant, whatchamacallit. 

Prospect Park South/Ditmas. Feels like the set of Happy Days. Very intriguing until you actually tour one of those money pits and start to tally up what it's going to cost to fix it up. When you're used to a 2-bedroom, 1 bath, there's such a thing as too much house.

Columbia Heights. Gayest hood in all of Brooklyn and it's got some purty loft spaces (which allegedly have shuttles to the subway). But too hipster? Too up and coming? Too pricey? Too few trees? Nice city views, though. 

Kensington. Whatev.

Red Hook. Love the cobblestones and the fantasy of a huge, unfinished loft. Love the pool and that cool park and pier. Hipsters scare me. So do rats. And I heard there is no such thing as a cheap, huge unfinished loft because somebody's sitting on them all.

Bed-Stuy. Nah. 

Prospect Heights. Meh.

Anyway, it's all about the people for me. What are the hoods you'd cheat on Park Slope with...

Comments

[manhatta]

Me thinks 80% of Brooklyn is "too hipster".