IS PARK SLOPE ATHLETIC?

I’m sure most of you are blissfully unaware of the Park Slope co-ed soccer league that took place in the dilapidated shit sack of a gym at Xavier High school this winter. The season came to an uneventful close last week as the undefeated ‘In One Ear And Out Your Mothers’ fell to the ‘NYC Wanderers.’ Despite  kicking major ass the entire season IOEAOYM happened to lose the ONE game that mattered, crushing their hopes and dreams of receiving the highly coveted plastic ass trophy.

I feel IOEAOYM is the equivalent of the Patriots in 2008, when they went undefeated the entire season, but when it came down to the big show they choked and lost to the Giants. The only real difference between the Park Slope soccer league and the NFL is that elite athletes get paid squillions of dollars to play America’s most beloved and cherished sport , highlighted on all major networks, whereas the Park Slope soccer league makes you shell out over a hundred bucks to play in a shitty ass high school gym with mediocre, out of shape athletes such as myself in a sport that is only popular in the U.S. once every 4 years…and the only media coverage we get is mother fucking FIPS (Despite my bitching, I actually did have a great time).

Anyways, now that soccer has come to a close, what am I supposed to do with myself? I need to run around and get my aggression out somehow, if not, the result is me ranting and venting via blog post and we are all too aware of the repercussions that come of such things.

So I propose this – Hopefully someday soon the weather won’t be totally shitty. When this glorious day arrives I say we all get up off our lazy asses, peel ourselves away from our laptops at our respective coffee joints, and head to Prospect Park for a fun filled day of physical activity as we inevitably make huge asses of ourselves.

Imagine Prospect Park morphing into a make shift battle field as the elite Brooklyn Blogs go head to head in man’s age old tradition of beating the shit out of each other. Something along the lines of an elementary school track and field day meets American Gladiator. 

I can see it now, the FIPS whack pack vs. Park Slope Patch in a grueling competition of badminton, obstacle courses and dare I mention, egg toss? Baller vs. Breeder in wheel barrow races as young couples pair up against hardcore mother-daughter duos. Are you a distraught reader that gets so enraged beyond belief when reading FIPS posts that you want to fucking punch us in the face? Instead of being confined to a tiny little comment box, vent your frustrations by kicking Bitchy Mom’s ass in arm wrestling, going toe-to-toe with Allison in rock paper scissors or slaying me in double dutch. Are you a happy Food Coop member that is sick and tired of FIPS spying on your ass? Well put your mouth where all your fucking money is and come show us what’s up! The day’s blood sweat and tears will culminate in the main event as Erica undoubtedly kicks that chick’s ass from Only The Blog Knows Brooklyn in a boxing match/mud wrestling/ mechanical bull riding championship. Who’s with me?!

Alright, maybe I’m getting a little carried away, but regardless: beach season is practically here people. What are we going to do about it? How do you stay active and in shape around the Slope?