Whassup: Turkey Talking Edition

via galleryhip.com

Nutella. Public transportation in a winter city. Being an adult who knows how to handle a hangover. Yoga pants. What are you thankful for? Someone is likely to ask you this over Thanksgiving, so it's probably best to have an answer prepared. "My health" is a solid, if normcore response. "My good looks" is a great joke response if you are an unattractive bald uncle (hopefully, my future). But why not just go for the gusto, and start up an uncomfortable family discussion right off the bat? "I'm thankful we're going to put a Clinton back in the White House!"DISCUSSION INITIATED! But whatever you SAY, you should BE thankful for this: Brooklyn has everything you could possibly need to stay brain-numbed and entertained at all times. So get out there and show your tryptophan-addled brain something good. Welcome to Whassup: Turkey Talking Edition:

* Saturday, Nov. 29: Small Biz Saturday, Slope Shops: Black Friday? That's a shit-show of consumerist stampedes and exploited workers. Cyber Monday? Just clicking on a screen (with a name that I will never stop considering funny). But Small Business Saturday might actually be worth something. Throw some bucks to your local shopkeeps and support the 'hood. From the specialty cheeses and beers of South Slope's Ploughman to Babeland's dildoporium off north 5th, there are plenty of local goods to fill you and your loved ones' orifices with something wonderful.

* Saturday, Nov. 29: WATERPLANET, Tea Lounge: If you were expecting a massively over-budgeted Kevin Costner sci-fi dystopia flick, I'm sorry to disappoint you. This is WaterPLANET, which is a different thing. There is 100% less Kevin Costner drinking his own urine and 100% more psychedelic folk. The two singer/songwriters (Milli Landrum and Jim Hesser) blend poppy melodies with vocal experimentation. They can also breathe underwater with their mutant gills. 9pm-11pm, FREE.

* Sunday, Nov. 30: Wonderful World of Boning, Union Hall: "What to Expect When You Sext About Sex." "So You're Having an Erection." These are alternative titles, but I think theirs is good enough. In this show, former sex educator (and/or sci-fi character?) Lux Alptraum welcomes comedian friends to tour old-school sex-ed videos. Come see what Fuzzy Bunny went through when he found fur where there was no fur before. 8p.m., $8.

* Tuesday, Dec. 2: "Polar Cortex" Winter Trivia, Bell House: Pop quiz: How many percent of the people at this event will sing a few bars of "Let It Go" at some point, you know, to be funny? Trick question: It won't be funny (but 100% will do it). Anyway, this is Bell House's big trivia event, hosted by everyone's favorite Pat Kiernan, anchor at NY1. Polar Cortex, as the excellent punny name implies, will focus on winter trivia. What is the best kind of snow? What is the abominable snowman's favorite food? Find out these answers and more. 7pm, $26.

* Tuesday, Dec. 2: Punderdome, Littlefield: Still going strong, Brooklyn's best venue for artisanal, grass-fed wordplay returns, with (alleged) father-daughter hosts Fred and Jo leading a raucous night of pun-shouting. In this amateur pun contest, you can even compete -- so long as you can come up with a reasonably punny stage name and don't mind making large groups of people groan (insert your own dirty joke here). 8pm, $6-$7.