WHASSUP: TO DO EDITION

fHappy Day, Fipsters! I hope this post finds you well. Have you reached your Hamptons quota for the season yet? Sat in enough traffic to consider selling your car? Consider, for a moment, taking my advice on some local outings that demand little forethought, or travel time. Save your road rage for another day and patronize our fair neighborhood and surrounding areas.

There’s great new stuff popping up all over the place, from eateries to performance venues, to roller-skating with a view. Hell, Gowanus is a couple churros and one good mascot away from turning into Disney World. Mickey Swamp Monster? I’ll work on it.

At this point you’re most likely wondering what is up? This is WHASSUP: 

Thursday, 7/31, Beetlejuice, Pier 1 Brooklyn Bidge Park: Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice—shut your mouth. Your favorite ghoulish playboy is about to conjured up in all his late 80’s glory. Come Mr. Tally Man, tally me banana…would you? FREE, 6pm

Thursday, 7/31, Journey to the Stars, Pier 1 Brooklyn Bridge Park: Come for the movie, stay for the celestial show. It’s out of this—ah, forget it. Bring your own telescope (nerd), or use one of theirs to snag a glimpse of that great big universe Neil deGrasse Tyson keeps showing down our throats. FREE, 8:30pm-10:30pm

Friday, 8/1, Mariache Flor De Tolache, Barbés: All. Female. Mariachi Band. This would make my subway rides far more pleasing. $10, 10pm

Saturday, 8/2, Discosynthesis, Union Hall: Bring along your love for keytars, drum machines, and bitchin’ synths and g g get your groove thang on. FREE, 11:59pm

Sunday, 8/3, The Vegan Cook-off: Best Balls Competition, Little Field: I’m talking faux, rice, matzo, snow—you fucking name it and they’ll form it into balls for your tasting pleasure.  $15-$18, 2pm

Monday, 8/4, Elizabeth Green: Building a Better Teacher, Book Court: In my opinion the greatest weaknesses of conventional education is that it lacks personalization and has long been antiquated. Teachers can’t possibly cater to each individual student’s needs, or can they? Take a listen to Elizabeth Green as she schools you on how to be a more effective teacher. FREE, 7pm

Tuesday, 8/5, Orlando Le Fleming and Friends, Barbés: This is one cool cat. He plays the upright bass and has toured with jazz legends. LeFleming is a Brooklyn transplant courtesy of the UK and we’re happy to have him. FREE, 9pm

Wednesday, 8/6, Ask Roulette, The Bellhouse: This reinvention of truth or dare, sans dares, pits strangers against one another, allowing them to ask any question they like. Could be funny. Will be embarrassing. I feel uncomfortable already. $10, 7:30pm doors, 8pm show