Whassup: Pervs Can't Keep Us Down Edition

You know what would be great? If the women of Park Slope could enjoy the neighborhood without fear of grabby pervs -- just the regular kinda pervs who stop at embarrassingly awkward pickup lines (raises hand). Anyway, let's hope last night's rally (and the continuing efforts of Safe Slope) make a difference. In the meanwhile, keep enjoying this great 'hood and keep your asshole-kicking shoes handy. It's Whassup: Pervs Can't Keep Us Down Edition.

* Thursday, Sept. 15: Fifth Ave Feast, 16th to Dean: Aunt Suzie's, um, opinionated owner Irene LoRoe's, like, weeks' long dream of a Fifth Ave food festival comes true tonight. Be one of the first 150 digesters to nab a ticket at the Google Places table at 5th Ave and 1st, and you can trade it for food or drink specials at one of the avenue's eateries. With or without a ticket, you can you can shovel free and cheapened comestibles inside yourself all along the Slope's most-not-Seventh-Avenue avenue. 6-8pm.

* Thursday, Sept. 15-Sunday, Sept. 18: Mirman Parade, Bell House and Union Hall: We warned you -- tix have dried up for several of the showings of Eugene Mirman's comedy festival. You can still snag entry for some nights, though, so limber up your guffawing muscles and stretch your snorting tendons. Obviously, with shows on the same nights at both Bell House and Union Hall, Eugene won't be hosting every show -- OR WILL HE?? Probing the beloved comedian's teleportation abilities is just an added attraction, with stages full of Mirman-endorsed jokes. Various times, $10-$20.

* Friday, Sept. 16: Musicians Lawyer Up, Tea Lounge: Part of the Brooklyn Indie Music Festival, a panel and Q/A session headed up by the nonprofit Volunteer Lawyers for the Arts will teach rockers how to avoid getting legally screwed by record companies, agents, and cetera. 1-3pm, FREE.

* Friday, Sept. 16-Sunday, Sept. 18: BK Indie Fest, Littlefield: Once you've filled your head-bangin' noggin with info from the law-talkin' guys, hit up the Indie Music Fest's main event: three days of local acts rocking indoor and outdoor stages a weeeee bit closer to the Gowanus Canal than you probably want to think about. Shows all day every day, $55 for 3-day pass or $23 per day. 

* Sunday, Sept. 18: BOOKlyn, Borough Hall Plaza: Rage, rage against the glowing of the Nooks! Old-school paper fetishists can librarian-whisper their inky love to the skies at this year's Brooklyn Book Festival. Readings by Jennifer Eagan, Tom Perrotta, and more, including the Slope scribe we love to hate, Mr. Safran-Foer. Events 10am-5pm, FREE. 

* Sunday, Sept. 18: Olde Time Fiddle Jam Returns, Red Horse Cafe: I can sense you out there, huddled under sweaty bedsheets, clawing at imaginary spiders: fiddle junkies. Where has your olde-type hootenanny been, you ask. WHERE HAS IT BEEN!? Put down the methadone, Red Horse's Olde Time Music & Fiddle Jam is back, after a summer hiatus. What's that? Didn't even know it was gone? Well, come discover a relaxing time (pronounced tyme) in this South Slope coffee-teria's impossibly cozy environs. Don't worry: derivatives of barley and the vine accompany the java. 4pm-7pm, FREE.

* Tuesday, Sept. 20: Maude Story Slam, Tea Lounge: FIPS' own Kerri Doherty's monthly story slam, "I Like You Maude," once again spins the yarns. All the damn yarns. Moth storyslam champion David Crabb brings some sem-celebrity heft, but the mic is open to all. Just drop your name in the hat to get a place on the lineup. Or, just come to listen, laugh, and probably slightly fall in love with David Crabb. 7:30pm-9:30pm, FREE.