Whassup: Non-Escape from New York Edition

You're not going anywhere, Snake (via storminforms.com).

There must be some sort of festival-planning wisdom about the weekend before Memorial Day weekend, given last week's schmorg of events (including a certain overhyped two-day event that rhymes with Ooga Booga). This weekend, the event gods are comparatively silent, surely aware that most New Yorkers will be fleeing the City like the Cloverfield monster has arrived. But, if you're taking your chances that the monster is a total Manhattanite, there's still some stuff to keep you occupied in Brooklyn. It's Whassup: Non-Escape from New York Edition:

* Thursday, May 24: Tastefully Naked, Bell House: Comedian/general-purpose-performer Dave Hill releases, or in his terminology "unleashes," his first book, a collection of essays called Tasteful Nudes, with accompanying comedic and musical performances. John Hodgman, Janeane Garofalo, and more share the stage. 8pm, $12.

* Thursday, May 24: Zydeco Dance Party, BK Bridge: The last of three Brooklyn Bridge Park dance parties put on by the Celebrate Brooklyn folks (see, Prospect Park, bandshell) rocks it with Grammy-winner Terrance Simien's Zydeco Experience -- that's Louisiana folk music. Free dance lessons in two-step before the get-down. 7-10pm, FREE.

* Sunday, May 27: Spoken Word NY, Freddy's: Five minutes to share the words that are in your soul, on your Moleskine, and/or cribbed from Nirvana liner notes. No judgments, just sharing and drunkenness. That's Spoken Word NYC. 9pm, FREE.

* Monday, May 28: Memorial Day Concert, Greenwood: The ISO (Inter-School Orchestra) Symphony Band tunes up for the 14th annual Memorial Day Concert at Greenwood, playing the scores penned by famous cemetery residents, including Leonard Bernstein. 2:30pm, FREE.

* Wednesday, May 30: True Lies, Union Hall: Park Slope's dominance of the storytelling scene continues with a show I believe we've yet to feature here (or is that a LIE??): you'll hear six stories, some of which are what politicians like to call "true" and some of which are actually true. You, the audience, get to try to figure it all out. The winners get millions of dollars (note: lie). 7:30pm Doors, FREE.

* Thursday, May 31: Tea Lounge Franchising, Tea Lounge: Have you ever walked into Tea Lounge and thought to yourself, "Yes. I want to own a stroller-storage unit, too!" Come see if you really have the coffee beans to do it at the Lounge's franchising launch party. Will we see the rise of the next Starbucks? Or, will this last as long as the Tea Lounge on 7th Ave. that's now a Hanco's? Come place your bets! 6:30-9:30pm, FREE.