Whassup: I Heart Darkness Edition

I like my coffee like I like my soul... (via deviantart.net)

Yesterday was the 10-year anniversary of the blackout, which temporarily sunk NY into something resembling a natural nighttime. I wasn't here at the time, but, like, could you see the stars and stuff? Weird. That must have been terrifying. Well, the lights are on now, in all of our scarily expensive apartments, and the only pure darkness to be found is that of our cynical, NY souls. And that of the black-out drunks with which we dull the stress. Indulge in both varieties of darkness with this week's Whassup: I Heart Darkness Edition: 

* Thursday, Aug. 15: "Rocky," BK Bridge Park: Without this film, Sylvester Stallone might still be making porn flicks. So, thank god "Rocky" was an instant-classic. You know the story: punching, montage, "Adrian!", MONTAGE, steps, punching, FUCKING MONTAGE!!! With the gorgeous vista of Lower Manhattan from the park, it's a great way to see a movie. 6pm, FREE. 

* Friday, Aug. 16: TIX ONSALE: Deervana, Brooklyn Bowl (Williamsburg): Deer Tick, in their sometimes guise as "Deervana," will play Nirvana's classic "In Utero" in its entirety, celebrating the album's 20th anniversary. If this seems random to you, a couple things: 1) Deer Tick does a great Nirvana because singer John McCauley has an eerily Cobain-esque scratchy, strained voice and 2) Deer Tick is a pretty great brand in its own right. Perhaps, like me, you will attend a Deervana showing, and get into Deer Tick's own stuff thereafter. I highly recommend doing this. The show is Friday, Sept. 13, precisely two decades after the release of "In Utero," the grittier, punkier follow-up to the album that birthed the '90's in all its grungy, slacker glory ("Nevermind," duh). Tix on sale 12pm, $25.

 * Friday, Aug. 16: Dive In Gowanus, Various Restaurants: Ok, admittedly, "Dive In Gowanaus" sounds…like a really bad idea. Seriously, don't dive into the Gowanus. But clearly the organizers of this event celebrating Gowanus neighborhood eateries understand the connotations of "dive in" paired with a Superfund site: the event's logo is some sort of mutant clam riding an oil slick. So, I guess it's ironic? Like, "Hey, pollution isn't appetizing! Come eat!" Ok. Branding weirdness aside, the Gowanus area does have some great food. Come eat at Seesucker (so good), Littleneck, applewood (yeah, "Gowanus area" apparently includes more than just the Gowanus neighborhood, according to this definition) and others. A portion of the proceeds will go toward the Gowanus Canal Conservancy's environmental programs.

* Friday, Aug. 16-Sunday, Aug. 18: Nerd Nite Global Fest, Brooklyn Lyceum: If you've spent any time in Park Slope, or perused many of these Whassup listings before, you'll likely know about "Secret Science Club" (see below), a booze-fueled science lecture held at Bell House. Nerd Nite is a similar thing, though it's been franchised out to more than 50 cities, and they do short bits by a series of presenters rather than one scientist's long(-ish) lecture. But the frisson of science-learning meets excessive-drinking is the same. Here, for the first time, the various Nerd Nites from across the world will be convening to get their drunken learn on. And it's happening in Brooklyn! (Despite the fact that Nerd Nite originated in Boston.) Ok, this will be almost entirely U.S., even East Coast U.S.-based, due to the location. But it's two days of quirky talks on the zoology of Godzilla, the sex life of bees and other topics. (Day one is an opening reception). FREE beer from Brooklyn Brewery with your ticket. So get nerdily sloshed. $100, schedule here [http://nerdnite.com/fest/].  

 * Saturday, Aug. 17-Sunday, Aug. 18: Jazz Age Lawn Party, Roosevelt Island: Perhaps you saw the Leo DiCaprio "Great Gatsby" this spring. Perhaps you attended high school at some point in your life, i.e., read the first couple chapters of F. Scott Fitzgerald's version of the Baz Luhrmann movie. Or perhaps you are just a fan in general of opulence and rich-person angst. Finally, perhaps you like hats. Whatever your reasons, this party is your excuse to dress like a Prohibition-era hedonist Flapper person. This is apparently "a thing," so beware of getting sucked into the seedy subculture of 1920-o-philes who attend Derby parties and, well, these kind of parties. Or do get sucked in. We all need an obsession. Insert your own green light reference here. 11am-5pm performances each day, $30-$149.

 * Tuesday, Aug. 20: Secret Brain Science, Bell House: Park Slope's native-born version of the international Nerd Nite (see above) will keep the drunken geekosity flowing with a night of neuroscience. This is pretty cool stuff, because, did you ever realize how your brain is actually pretty important?! It makes all your thinking and systems work! Cold Spring Harbor neuroscientist Anne Churchland will tell you how that messy gray mass of yours synthesizes a sea of information into the bad decisions you make. 8pm, FREE. 

 * Wednesday, Aug. 21: Jukebox Anniversary Show, Union Hall: For two years, "The Jukebox" has been inviting comedians, storytellers, actors, writers and other such unemployable people to partake in a two-part entertainment event: tell a story, bit, etc. based on a popular song, then sing that song karaoke-style. At their terrible-two-year anniversary, the Jukeboxers will welcome Cultivated Wit's Baratunde Thurston, comedian Beth Stelling and also-a-comedian Jamie Lee. The best part is that probably no one will do "Total Eclipse of the Heart." 8pm, $10.

 * NEXT MONTH: Jackie's 5th Amendment CLOSING: With Bar 4 kaput as of today, you may fear that you are lacking in old-school Slope dives to mourn. Take heart: Next up is Jackie's Fifth Amendment, a true old-man, morning-whiskey, alcoholic dive bar. The joint will close in a month (Sept. 14), and contrary to the fate of fellow 5th-Ave. working class sanctuary, Timboo's, Jackie's will not turn into a hip, self-consciously retro pub (ahem, Skylark). Instead, the drug store next door will take over. Brooklyn Mag calls Jackie's "the last dive bar standing in Park Slope," which seems a bit myopic, since both Old Carriage and Smith's are still open. But it's certainly one of the last of a dying breed in this 'hood. The real "fifth amendment," the one to the Constitution, "protects against the abuse of government authority in a legal procedure" (according to Wikipedia, which has never been wrong). Seems appropriate that this amendment would be closing. Abuse of government authority is all the rage now, anyway.

 * ONGOING: Help Bike Patrol Founder: As you may have read elsewhere, on sites that do journalism (weird), Jay Ruiz, the founder of Brooklyn Bike Patrol, suffered two heart attacks, at least partly from pushing himself too hard in the patrol. That group has been helping escort Brooklyn women in the wake of the assaults that creeped everyone out a couple years ago. His heart attacks came when he was uninsured, so that means big bills, obviously. You can do a good deed for this good-deed-doer at this GoFundMe site.