Whassup: Halloween Edition

via Earth Art

Show of hands, how many of you are already wearing your costumes? Ok, you can put your hands down. I can't really see them -- this is a blog. And, anyway, you're gonna need every single one of your hands for grasping candy, carving pumpkins, and pointing at the sexiest/funniest/most-falling-apart costumes you see. Mask up, because it's Whassup: Halloween Edition:

* Thursday, Oct. 27: Tales of the Creep, Union Hall: Wear your favorite costume and a pair of boxers you don't mind shitting. Ghost stories are scary enough, try hearing them on several pints of Checker Cab. This night of goose-pimple narration ends with live music by The Living Kills and others. 7:30pm Doors, $7.

* Friday, Oct. 28: Carve-off, Bar 4: Only posers carve pumpkins "for fun." Do it for prizes and glory. Bar 4 hosts a pumpkin-carving contest, the "first annual," which is a little like calling a first date your next girlfriend, but whatever. You bring the gourd disemboweling implements, Bar 4 donates the orange victims. If you like it, carve a face in it. 5-8pm. FREE.

* Saturday, Oct. 29: Scary Vegetables, Botanic Garden: The Garden staves off the vegetable death of winter by celebrating the costumed death of fall with their "Ghouls and Gourds" celebration. This is a smorgasbord of entertainments, perfect for children of all ages who have ADD. Check out a costume parade, carnivorous plants display, mustache-making table, children's book artist interviews, Tibetan trumpets and other music, and more. Noon to 6pm, $15 for adults, kids FREE.

* Saturday, Oct. 29: Metal-ween, Bell House: If death metal has a holiday, it's definitely Valentine's Day. Or, maybe I'm just bitter and alone. But, Halloween's a close second. Throw up the devil horns for Misstallica, the all-girl Metallica tribute band, playing with Slayer and Misfits tributes (of, as of press time, indeterminate gender). 7pm, $12.

* Sunday, Oct. 30: Speak Up, Freddy's: In one of the most open of open mics you'll see, "Spoken Word New York" welcomes poets, singers, joke-tellers, story sharers, people who want to get up and say BOO exactly 17 times -- or whatever other form of performance you want to fit into a five-minute slot. Based off the Frenchy original, "Spoken Word Paris," SWNY opens its sign-up list to all comers. You can also sit and listen. And drink. It is a bar, after all. 9pm, FREE.

* Monday, Oct. 31: Slope Kids Parade, 7th Ave: Claimed to be largest kids parade in the US. And it's in Park Slope? Ok, that makes sense. Basically, it's just your normal 7th Ave traffic, except a greater percentage of the kids will be dressed as Spongebobs than usual. Begins at 14th Street, moves to Fifth Ave at Third Street, and crosses the finish line at the Old Stone House, where celebrations continue. 6:30-8:30PM

* Tuesday, Nov. 1: Hodgman Book Release, Bell House: Slope resident and computer portrayer John Hodgman celebrates the publication of his newest book of fake and somewhat (sorry) amusing facts. Fellow Daily Show regulars Wyatt Cenac and John Oliver will be there -- both great live. Plus, Paul Rudd, for those of you who can only laugh when the comedian is handsome enough. 8pm, $30.